Draft 1 - Incomplete

October 19, 1979

"Oh, look! Red hair," said the petite, dark-haired woman staring through the hospital glass into the nursery staring at the small baby. "The kids will be close in age, and they will look like they belong together. Rufy will be so happy to have a playmate, "said the man. They stood close together staring at what would soon be their daughter feeling all the joy and excitement a new baby brings to a family.

"Uhhh, what is that nurse doing?" They both watched with unbelieving eyes as the nurse took off the baby's diaper and held the baby up for inspection. "Well, I guess we know for sure," the man chuckled, "Have you picked out a name?" "Yes. Wendy Jean."

"When did they say we could take her home?" "After the family signs their approval of our arrangement. We're going to meet with the mediator in an hour to finalize the papers." "Did you ever think we would be able to get another one?" she asked tremulously. "God gives good gifts to those who ask."

---
That was my humble beginning in the city of Tarzana, California. Tressa and Jim met in 1978 and had been dating for a few weeks when Tressa discovered she was pregnant. She didn't tell Jim right away because she knew he planned to leave with the Army soon, and anyway, he wasn't ready to settle down to raise a family.

Tressa was part of a large, Jewish family who had very strict beliefs about pregnancy before marriage. She knew she wasn't in a position to take care of a child and wasn't about to cause upheaval in her family's life by asking for help.. so she started searching out the adoption alternative by asking a woman in a Baptist church for help.

---
My house was perfect. The grass was perpetually green and trimmed with lots of greenery and large trees nicely landscaped in front of the house. The stucco was beige and the trim a dark brown. We had a fancy door leading into the visiting room. I was not allowed in the visiting room because that was where the nice furniture, decorations, and the piano were kept. Across from the visiting room, passing across a hallway underneath an elegant archway is the family area. There were french doors that we never used that looked out on the front lawn. I used to lay on my big Panda pillow there. That was my favorite place. My pillow was just Panda's face, about three feet in diameter. He has very worn light brown fur around his eyes and nose that was very rough to the touch, and the dark brown fur covering the rest of his face was still extra soft and plushy. I loved rubbing my fingers over his felt nose that poked out and was in danger of falling off. His eyes were a sad, dull brown. I spent hours cuddling up on Panda, pouring all my love and hugs into him, hoping that one day his eyes would sparkle.

I remember the rest of the house as being pretty large, but it is probably just the remembrances of a child. The hallway I mentioned, that split the visiting room and the family room, was actually quite long. I measured it once. If I recall correctly, it was about 40 feet in length... a pretty narrow hallway. There was just one curve, but most of the hall was that straight part that I measured. My brother and I shared a room, just off that hallway, until I was 9 years old, when it was turned into a pink room with a canopy bed. Before that decorative change, it was a horrific yellow and orange 70s combination with animals on the wallpaper that my mother picked out when bringing her babies home. Also off the hallway, the next door down from my bedroom was a small bathroom for my brother and I to share. At the very end of the hall was my parents room. I wasn't allowed in my parents' room unless I knocked and asked permission to enter. Turning the corner of the hallway, my dad's office was the next doorway and if you went straight instead of going through the door, you walked right into the laundry room and out the door into the backyard. The kitchen was probably the hub of our home. My mom was in there quite a bit and it was quite a momentous room... it had been remodeled and turned into a huge, spacious kitchen with barstools and a large, walk-in pantry. You could get to the kitchen through a swinging door from our family room or from the laundry room where the outside door was on one wall and the kitchen door was on the next wall. So, that was my home for the first 10 years of my life.
The memories in my first house are like those old photographs that are an orangy-yellow tinge. I don't have many memories, but the ones I do don't feel real anymore. My earliest memory in that house, I was sick.. about three years old. I was in my Daddy's office that had dark brown paneling covering the walls. It felt like a cave because it was so dark all the time, even with the window shades open. I was told to lie down and sleep so I could feel better, but I was upset because I didn't want to be alone. I don't remember why I was in the office or why I couldn't sleep in my own room, but that's how it was. My Daddy covered me with a brown and tan bear blanket and lay down next to me... and he fell asleep.
Until I was six, I only had one brother. He is older than me and was my best friend. People often mistook us for twins because we were both fair-skinned and had red hair and freckles. He was given a family name... my Dad's name and his Dad's name. I thought it was funny that my brother's name means "red hair." My Mommy told me she named me after her grandma. Her grandma's name was Winifred, but she had been very close to her and wanted me to be a namesake for her. One of my parents friends called me Freddy just for fun. My middle name was for my grandmother, Mommy's Mom.

We had a game where my Mommy dressed me in her fancy coat with the fur collar and put lipstick on my lips and blush on my cheeks. My hair didn't need any fixing, she said, because I had curly curly hair. She sent me to Daddy's office with messages for him like, "Hey, foxy woxy." Then Daddy would send me back to Mommy with the message, "You're the bees knees." Relaying messages was fun for a while, but it started to get uncomfortable because it seemed like Mommy and Daddy were sending messages for different reasons than just to play with me.

My favorite thing was to play outside. All the neighbors were a lot older, even than Mommy and Daddy. They all doted on me because my brother and I were the only children on the street. One lady, four houses down from ours, was really old, like maybe in her 80s. She was like a grandma. Her house had bricks on the outside and plants and palm trees grew all around it so that it hid from everyone else. It felt like her house was in the middle of a jungle all by itself. Inside some of the bushes was a huge rock. It stood as tall as my chest. I liked to climb on top of the rock and peek inside her window. Inside that window was her kitchen. She would often be sitting at her table drinking coffee and wave at me. I wished I could stay on her rock and just hide for a while, but my Mommy said I needed to leave her alone and give her privacy.
In our own backyard, my Mommy had a long line of rose bushes. They were all different colors. Some were red, some pink and yellow. My favorite ones, though, were those with two colors.. a deep rich pink and white around the trim. My Mommy said that if I took care of the bushes all the flowers would be mine. I watered them every day and as soon as the bud began to open, I used the scissors to cut them off and made flower deliveries to all the neighbors. The prettiest ones I saved to give to my favorite neighbors. They all really liked getting flowers, but Mommy said that when she looked out her kitchen window now, there are no flowers for her to look at. I guessed it could be a good thing because she didn't really sound very upset about it.

Wanting to Write

It has been a thought in my head since I was a child that I would like to write a book. Early on, I had some creative bursts and would make up a story, often drawing on personal experiences. Now that I have even more experiences under my belt, like motherhood and understanding more about abuse and family relationships, I thought it might be a good time to actually write something down in earnest.

Nothing has been set in stone. I may just try my hand at making something into fiction. All I know, is that many people have said my life is so full of drama I figure there must be at least one story in there somewhere.

In other news, I fell down the stairs during our workday last Saturday. No one was able to watch the boys as I had initially planned (they got sick), so they were my first priority... but during naptime, I was going to organize and exchange toys from their play area. I had gone upstairs to soothe Jonah back to sleep and decided to bring a handful downstairs to add to my pile. Those of you who have been to our home know that our stairs are steep and the steps are shallow (your foot doesn't fit on the stair completely) and they are taller than normal stairs. On the way down, I wasn't holding the railing (because my hands were full) and my foot slipped.. and kept slipping down one stair, two, three stairs and finally on the fourth stair I completely lost it and fell headfirst down the rest of the way through the gate entrance. Thankfully, Jeremy was home and was able to wait on me the next couple of days... he even took Monday off work to help me with the boys.

As he has gone back to work for the rest of the week, I noticed my ankle (though not broken) has not been feeling better over time... it is actually feeling worse because I am needing to be on it so much taking care of the children. Oh, the complications of life.

Well, that is my little bit of excitement for the month.

Day Three on South Beach

I have to be completely honest.... I do NOT like eating only proteins. Jeremy and I talked last night about this diet and he isn't convinced that this is very healthy to do to my body. Until yesterday, I had not cheated at all (except for a piece of gum... dire straits for my breath).

Jeremy also said he would help me with exercising more, so I went outside with him and helped rake and pick up grass piles to put on the compost. I broke a sweat and gained a few more mosquito bites, but I am convinced that exercise is key when it comes to losing weight (just ask Jillian Michaels). Back to my eating, though: since I was losing my desire to eat at all, I skipped supper and woke up so hungry I couldn't sleep. So I ate a cookie with a couple sips of milk.

And this morning.... I found I am FINALLY under 220!!!!!

I will stay on this diet to continue the weight loss, but will also "cheat" at times just for the sake of sanity.

Day One on South Beach

Well, my day is half over and as I write, I have a plate of my attempted omlette on my lap. It turned out to be just a layer of egg (because I had too much I tried stuffing inside, it wouldn't fold) and scattered all over the top is a mixture of tomatos, orange pepper, turkey bacon, and mozzarella cheese. Honestly, it's not half bad.

My major concern is that I am badly craving my dairy right now. From everything I have read and people I have spoken to, cravings go away after about 4 days. Just waiting.

To start, I had to go shopping for key items for this new "way of life". Alongside my healthy choices, peppers, turkey bacon, ricotta cheese, nuts, etc. was also chocolate ice cream and orange juice. My family is not going on this diet with me, so these temptations will still be in the house with me while I am working to change my health and my weight (bummer for naturally thin and healthy husband and children).

Another struggle I am realizing is that I just do not take care of myself the way I ought to. Even though this is a diet where you don't need to be hungry... as usual, I am too distracted with my children to take care of my needs. This is not just a new phenomenon. Even when I am NOT dieting, I'm always hungry... I just tend to over-eat the wrong things once I do take the opportunity to stuff my face.

I did weigh myself first thing this morning... and I have stayed steady at 221 pounds. I am hoping to break the 220 mark sometime this week.

Have a wonderful day of eating healthy and wise!

South Beach Diet

Obviously, since marriage and children I have needed to lose weight. I can't seem to get out of the 220s, though.

I have been inspired by a friend to try the South Beach Diet which consists of 3 phases. The first phase is the most restrictive and lasts for at least 2 weeks (maybe a 3rd depending on my motivation and whether I think I need it). The second phase lasts until I have reached my goal weight and the third phase is just the maintenance for the rest of my life. It seems like a very reasonable way to go.

Seeing as how I have a couple of weeks before my first vacation this year (we have a total of three planned), I am going to start this tomorrow and see how it works for me.

Breakfast

Protein: Quantity is not limited.
Vegetables: Minimum 1/2 cup.
Fruit: None
Starch: None
Milk: None
Fat: 1 tsp mayonnaise or oil (optional)

Lunch

Protein: Quantity is not limited.
Vegetables: Minimum 2 cups.
Fruit: None
Starch: None
Milk: None
Fat: 1 Tbsp mayonnaise or oil.

Snack

Snacks are required. Choose from the Protein or Vegetable list, or eat nuts from the Fats list.

Dinner

Protein: Quantity is not limited.
Vegetables: Minimum 2 cups.
Fruit: None
Starch: None
Milk: None
Fat: 1 Tbsp mayonnaise or oil.


And, remember, this is only phase one. The choices are limited for 2 weeks and then I can start adding in fruit and dairy and some starches.

The Pezzner Family Reunion

I am certain, by now, all my readers (however few there are) know that I am adopted. Also, that I found my biological family within the past few years and have been keeping in touch with them through emails and phone calls. Since they live in California, we have never met in person. That is soon to change.

Friday evening, I received a call from my "uncle", Rick. He informed me of the yearly reunion coming up the weekend of August 14th and said that he would like me and my family to be there as a surprise. And that he would be funding this trip. YOWZER!

That is cost for 3 plane tickets (Jonah doesn't need one, yet) and a hotel. That's a lot of money! I guess my "family" is quite comfortable in that area... a hidden blessing with sharp daggers at times.

Since we are going... yes, we are definitely going (who refuses a free vacation??)... I am making plans to meet up with a couple of people. Take a look at these pictures. Do you see any resemblance?

This is Terrie, the "mom", when she was pregnant with me.

Jim, the "dad", with half sister Samantha (age 16).

And... last, but certainly not least... my full-blood sister, Shanna. She is 24 (I think). She's a freakish look-alike.

What do you think?

Beef Shish Kabob marinade and Spoon Bread

As I mentioned two days ago, we were going to make Shish Kabobs again. It turned out so much better than the first time with the two marinades.

The marinade I used for the beef is as follows.

1/3 c. soy sauce (I actually used less since I was running out... 1/8 cup)
3/4 c. salad oil
1/8 c. Worcestershire Sauce (increased it to 1/3 cup)
1 tbsp. dry mustard
2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. parsley
1 1/2 tsp. ground pepper
1 crushed garlic clove
1/4 c. lemon juice

After soaking for about 12 hours, it was absolutely beautiful. Jeremy's confidence in grilling greatly increased and it turned out perfect.

As a side to our meal of meat, fruit and vegetables, I had a spoon bread made from cornmeal. It is pretty bland, but goes well with so much flavor and pungency from the kabobs. The recipe is:

2 cups milk
1 1/3 cups cornmeal
1 tsp. salt
2 cups hot water
1/2 cup butter, cut into pieces
4 large eggs, separated


1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray 2-quart baking dish with cooking spray. Combine milk, cornmeal and salt in saucepan; mix well. Stir in hot water. Cook over medium-high heat, stirring constantly (very important), until mixture comes to a boil. Boil 1 minutes. Remove from heat. Stir in butter.

2. Stir egg yolks into cooled cornmeal in saucepan. Beat egg whites in a large bowl with electric mixer on high speed until stiff peaks form. Fold cornmeal mixture into beaten egg whites.

3. Pour batter into prepared dish. Bake spoon bread until a knife inserted near center comes out clean, 35-45 minutes. Serve hot.


Have a wonderful week of cooking and cherishing your family and friends!