Wanting to Write

It has been a thought in my head since I was a child that I would like to write a book. Early on, I had some creative bursts and would make up a story, often drawing on personal experiences. Now that I have even more experiences under my belt, like motherhood and understanding more about abuse and family relationships, I thought it might be a good time to actually write something down in earnest.

Nothing has been set in stone. I may just try my hand at making something into fiction. All I know, is that many people have said my life is so full of drama I figure there must be at least one story in there somewhere.

In other news, I fell down the stairs during our workday last Saturday. No one was able to watch the boys as I had initially planned (they got sick), so they were my first priority... but during naptime, I was going to organize and exchange toys from their play area. I had gone upstairs to soothe Jonah back to sleep and decided to bring a handful downstairs to add to my pile. Those of you who have been to our home know that our stairs are steep and the steps are shallow (your foot doesn't fit on the stair completely) and they are taller than normal stairs. On the way down, I wasn't holding the railing (because my hands were full) and my foot slipped.. and kept slipping down one stair, two, three stairs and finally on the fourth stair I completely lost it and fell headfirst down the rest of the way through the gate entrance. Thankfully, Jeremy was home and was able to wait on me the next couple of days... he even took Monday off work to help me with the boys.

As he has gone back to work for the rest of the week, I noticed my ankle (though not broken) has not been feeling better over time... it is actually feeling worse because I am needing to be on it so much taking care of the children. Oh, the complications of life.

Well, that is my little bit of excitement for the month.

South Beach Diet

Obviously, since marriage and children I have needed to lose weight. I can't seem to get out of the 220s, though.

I have been inspired by a friend to try the South Beach Diet which consists of 3 phases. The first phase is the most restrictive and lasts for at least 2 weeks (maybe a 3rd depending on my motivation and whether I think I need it). The second phase lasts until I have reached my goal weight and the third phase is just the maintenance for the rest of my life. It seems like a very reasonable way to go.

Seeing as how I have a couple of weeks before my first vacation this year (we have a total of three planned), I am going to start this tomorrow and see how it works for me.

Breakfast

Protein: Quantity is not limited.
Vegetables: Minimum 1/2 cup.
Fruit: None
Starch: None
Milk: None
Fat: 1 tsp mayonnaise or oil (optional)

Lunch

Protein: Quantity is not limited.
Vegetables: Minimum 2 cups.
Fruit: None
Starch: None
Milk: None
Fat: 1 Tbsp mayonnaise or oil.

Snack

Snacks are required. Choose from the Protein or Vegetable list, or eat nuts from the Fats list.

Dinner

Protein: Quantity is not limited.
Vegetables: Minimum 2 cups.
Fruit: None
Starch: None
Milk: None
Fat: 1 Tbsp mayonnaise or oil.


And, remember, this is only phase one. The choices are limited for 2 weeks and then I can start adding in fruit and dairy and some starches.

The Pezzner Family Reunion

I am certain, by now, all my readers (however few there are) know that I am adopted. Also, that I found my biological family within the past few years and have been keeping in touch with them through emails and phone calls. Since they live in California, we have never met in person. That is soon to change.

Friday evening, I received a call from my "uncle", Rick. He informed me of the yearly reunion coming up the weekend of August 14th and said that he would like me and my family to be there as a surprise. And that he would be funding this trip. YOWZER!

That is cost for 3 plane tickets (Jonah doesn't need one, yet) and a hotel. That's a lot of money! I guess my "family" is quite comfortable in that area... a hidden blessing with sharp daggers at times.

Since we are going... yes, we are definitely going (who refuses a free vacation??)... I am making plans to meet up with a couple of people. Take a look at these pictures. Do you see any resemblance?

This is Terrie, the "mom", when she was pregnant with me.

Jim, the "dad", with half sister Samantha (age 16).

And... last, but certainly not least... my full-blood sister, Shanna. She is 24 (I think). She's a freakish look-alike.

What do you think?

Happy Pills

Quite a bit has happened in the last month. Aside from starting my weight loss goals and working out, I have also been to the doctor to discuss my postpartum depression.

First things first. Since starting my workouts and diet plan, I have lost a total of 12 pounds. I took a brief hiatus from working out because I was feeling rather ugh-y from two periods in three weeks... the joys of re-entering the non-pregnant state. I am going to start my workout regimen again next week... the Biggest Loser workout tapes are on request from the library.

The next most important thing that happened was that I was diagnosed with postpartum and was prescribed some "happy pills". I am no longer the "Mother from H---" and the boys are very happy about that. Honestly, though, it was very apparent to me that I was not reacting the same way I usually do and couldn't seem to enjoy anything about my life. That is not normal for me. Now, I feel like I am myself again and am not overwhelmed or having a breakdown when I have to leave the house. I am enjoying my children again.

Jeremiah is going to be turning three this June. We are planning a school curriculum for him and it will consist of (most likely) four subjects: music, Bible, reading and math. I have already begun his Bible teaching. We have a "Bible book" that I read to him during his breakfast time and we are learning one verse a week. He has learned Genesis 1:1 and is currently learning Genesis 1:27... he has been asking to "learn another one" which shows me that he is enjoying his education and is ready for more.

Well, that is my family update for now.

Jeremiah grabbed the home phone from me and was pushing buttons (which he knows is not allowed) and when I asked him about it he said, "I'm talking to someone... CHILL!"

Gotta deal with that boy!

The Last Supper of 2009

In looking back over this year, many things have changed for me.

In January, God convicted my heart about not reading Scripture on my own. I had to break down the barrier in my head that said I was too busy and that I got enough on Sunday. Thankfully, a professor from the college from which I graduated shared a wonderful system he created when he was a new believer 30 years ago. It opened my eyes to the closeness I was missing with God and am excited to continue.
In February, I found out I was pregnant with our second child.
March 4 was the anniversary of three years with Jeremy.
April contains the celebration of Passover and Easter. We celebrated a Passover Seder on our own this year and enjoyed remembering how God protected Israel despite their sin.
May was the first real year we celebrated Mother's Day... and I got tarps for my garden. Definitely not the most heartwarming gift, but definitely memorable and thoughtful.
In June, we found out that we were having another BOY!! At that time, we had picked out the name Jacob Mark and Rachel Beth-Moriah (if it was a girl). We also started a family tradition on Saturday mornings of riding our bikes together after breakfast (about 8 1/2 miles).
July was a very busy month with family visiting. It was a blessing to have Jeremy's parents for a week. They helped us with house projects and getting Jeremiah's new "big boy" room ready so we could have the nursery for our baby "Jacob", and I was able to get my gardens in order.
August was also very busy with doctor's appointments and dates and a trip to the State Fair. Someone had given us tickets for free... and we left them at home; but God provided us with the money to cover the tickets which we received when we checked the mail after we got home that evening.
September brought in the added busy-ness of library storytime for Jeremiah as well as Kindermusik and doctor's visits every other week.
In October, I turned 30 years old and was worrying about our baby arriving too early because of pre-term labor. I stopped riding my bike on doctor's orders.
November was Jeremy's birthday and hoping for a birthday baby. On the 16th, our son, JONAH MARK was born after a very short and easy labor.
December brings about the holiday season during which we were going to stay home and celebrate it on our own for lack of money for traveling to Pennsylvania like we normally do. The weekend before Christmas, though, we received two separate gifts of $200 each and we decided to make the trip after all. We were able to surprise Jeremy's family by landing on their doorstep Christmas Eve... and had a wonderful time!

God is faithful and God is good. It was a wonderful year... and I'm looking forward to what 2010 brings my family and me.

Family Photo Op

This last Saturday, we had family photos taken. It was a loooong process, but we got some good ones. Enjoy!

A New Chapter

This last weekend has been quite momentous for several different reasons. First, Jeremy got sick. That is "momentous" because Jeremy NEVER gets sick. He had a fever for two days and then got something akin to food poisoning on Saturday and even skipped work on Monday in order to fully recover.

Second, we had a date! I'm sure that's momentous for obvious reasons. We had a really nice time. Jeremiah had a "date" with Miss Lori from the church and it was Jonah-free. He needs a break just as much as we do. So, during our date, we went shopping for food and for underwear (trust me, you'll see the link soon), had lunch at Olive Garden and then went home to decorate our tree and surprise Jeremiah with it when he came home. All in all, a great day!

Third, our little boy started being potty-trained. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Jeremiah is now going potty on the toilet... some of the time. The underwear was for him (just in case you needed help with creating that link I talked about earlier). We started on Sunday and it was a terrible beginning. We found out that our son has no problem being nasty and dirty... he'll be dripping down his pants and when I ask "Are you wet?" he'll perkily say, "Nope!" And that obviously brings up other issues, such as lying and deceit. Several times, we'd find a trail of pee on the carpet... it definitely wasn't from the dogs as they were trying to track the scent. It would inevitably lead to an oblivious and ambivalent Jeremiah. He did go on the toilet twice on Sunday... but Monday was a much better training day.

We had Kindermusik in the morning like we normally do on Mondays... but since we had Daddy home, we decided to make a special stop at McDonald's to play on the slides and get ice cream. While we were there, I decided it was time for Jeremiah to try, try again. They have child-sized toilets in the play area bathroom, so while Jeremiah was "trying" I left briefly to get another pull-up (since he had gotten the other one dirty). When I came back, Jeremiah was hunched over himself looking at his "Peepee" marveling over the little drop that seemed to be hanging on with all its might.

As mothers ought, I got very excited and clapped my hands and said "Let it go in the potty!" Jeremiah tried to help it into the toilet by touching it, but I said "Noooo! Just let it drop in." So, he started furiously blowing on it to try and help get in the toilet faster. He had three more drips and ran outside to tell Daddy about his "drops in the potty."

We've had two days with successes in both of them. Jeremiah went potty three times on Monday and even told me (belatedly) when he had to go, so at least he's getting the idea and progressing positively.

This morning, he already woke up with a wet pull-up, but we'll just keep trying. He sat on the toilet for 5 minutes with no complaining.

I've realized that potty-time is a great time to just listen to my son talk about whatever he wants. Jonah has been a real distraction to all of us and now that we are working on a "no diaper" goal with Jeremiah, it is in my schedule to just sit down with him for 5 minutes while he is on the toilet. Don't get me wrong, I was spending time with Jeremiah before, but Jonah was still there. Jeremiah has been including Jonah in as many activities as he can. I think, though, that Jeremiah needs to know that it is okay to just be with Mama by himself. Since Jonah doesn't go in the bathroom with us, it has become part of our time together and Jeremiah is seeing that I don't always put Jonah first. Just as Jeremiah sometimes needs to wait for what he wants, so does his little brother. It's good practice for me to make good decisions on what my priority should be at any given moment. I'm sure this is part of what God is trying to teach me during this parenting time of life.

My Embarassing Moment

As the mother of a newborn, I am doing the BEST THING (as so many other mothers like to proclaim) and breastfeeding my child. Jeremiah was unable to latch when he was first born, so I took to pumping... every feeding for 8 long, milk-challenged months. When Jonah was born, I was pleased to find that he latched very easily and very well... however, I found that I am just not a "breastfeeder." I dislike the act of breastfeeding. It hurts. Yes, I have been told numerous times that the pain goes away, but apparently not quick enough to suit me... so I am back to pumping.

That's not the embarassing part... just wait. It's coming.

Since I am pumping again, obviously there are times when I am away from home for longer periods of time... such as Sundays, at church. Rather than suffering engorgement and the pain that comes with that, I opted for taking my pump with me. Our church prepared for having a newborn again by emptying out a room and making it a nursery with a partition for extra privacy. Well, yesterday (Sunday), I took use of this room in order to pump. All was well. All was calm and peaceful. Until....

a very zealous head-counting usher decided to see if anyone occupied the nursery. Never fear! I was behind the partition. That was the whole point of having it... extra privacy for those modesty moments. I heard a knock.. the door opened. "Is anyone here?" Now, the speakers from the auditorium were on so I could hear the service and it was pretty loud... and I barely heard his question. But I quickly answered... "Yes. I'm here. Just one" (hoping he would hear take my accurate number and leave). But, he didn't. He moved to cross the partition and I repeated "Just one! Just one!" and he appeared.

The shock on my face must have helped him more quickly register what he saw... a woman with her shirt pulled up around her neck completely exposing herself. What a lovely view!

Needless to say, he backed up pretty quick and I heard three quick "I'm sorry" 's before the door closed shut.

Mortification reigns!

Then I couldn't help but laugh... the irony of it all: I don't even allow my husband in the room while I'm pumping. I'm hoping that usher will pass along the wisdom of: "If you see the partition in the nursery pulled out... RUN AWAY!"

Instilling the Fear of the Lord

For all you parents out there, I am sure the discipline of your children has caused many conversations with your spouse and also many hours of study and seeking the Lord on how to best help your children grow and mature in the admonition of the Lord.

Having a child who is 2 1/2 is certainly a new experience for us (this being our firstborn), but with each new age and stage we have encountered various heart attitudes that we have had to deal with and try to be godly as well as instructive to our little sinner.

Jeremiah's latest is lying and also pushing the limits with obedience (yeah, nothing new right? Only the exhibition of it). He is lying about not pooping in his diaper even when he is straining and pushing it right then. The one aspect of his 2 1/2 year old brain that is stretching Jeremy and I, though, is that when we ask him to do something we are training him that he has one time to obey and then comes discipline. But when we ask him to say "Yes, Mama" or "Yes, Daddy" he says it with an attitude and then adds "I did it!" (also with a rebellious attitude). We are constantly having to make him resay or redo whatever it was that we asked him first... but he counters with "I did it!" and we end up arguing over whether or not what he did was acceptable.

Needless to say, this is tiring and irritating for us (the parents) and is also, I'm sure, confusing and a struggle for Jeremiah as well. Some of it, I would guess, is Jeremiah figuring out what is acceptable and what isn't (for instance, if Daddy tells him to stand up while talking to Daddy, Jeremiah will stand on one leg and say "Is this standing?")... but the whole point is to have a respectful child who understands the importance of obeying because God says so... and also more than just saying "You disobeyed Mama and Daddy" it is more important to stress his sin that that he "Disobeyed God."

It is a major ordeal trying to figure out how all this talking and concepts fits into the discipline process. We, ultimately, are not looking for behavior modification (although, good behavior is much desired) but a child who desires to obey God and respects his parents as a result.

Much prayer and much consistency is needed... also encouragement. If any of you experienced parents have suggestions or admonition, I'd love to hear it!

Library Day

Our library is really good about having activities for each age group. This year, Jeremiah has been able to attend storytime pretty faithfully and he really enjoys it.

Last Tuesday, the library had a special Thanksgiving storytime (all about turkeys, instead of being thankful) and the librarian had special crafts to go along with it.

One of the crafts, since that is all I had the energy for, was to make a turkey hat. It was very creative and detailed. Jeremiah wanted to have a hat, so we made it... but having a two-year-old attention span, we only got as far as the turkey feathers. So, we call it a "feather" hat.

Jeremiah thought it was so groovy, he insisted his little brother get to have one, too.

Jonah Mark

We are pleased to announce that Jonah Mark has finally joined us.

He was born 11/16/09 at 11:11 pm. He was 8 pounds 8 ounces and 20 1/2 inches long.

Here is my newest cutie!

When I posted my last entry, I was in true labor... I just didn't realize it. Since it was rather sporadic (and, no, Ivana, I didn't feel like pooping or have diarrhea), I nearly didn't make the calls to get to the hospital. I was concerned with being embarassed if it was only a false alarm. Thankfully, God forced me to have a change of heart and made all the calls and I got to the hospital in time to find out I was dilating very quickly and the contractions were 1 1/2 to 2 minutes apart.

It was important that I leave for the hospital early enough because we live 45 minutes away. Jonah arrived 6 hours later. I did get an epidural... and will continue to get them with any future children. They are painful to get in, but so worthwhile for being able to rest rather than "labor" through contractions and then have the energy for the pushing to come. I ended up pushing for 30 minutes. The entire experience this time around was so different than what I had with Jeremiah. It sounded like a baseball or football game. My doctor sounded like the announcer telling what was going on in real time... Jeremy was counting through the contractions and telling me when to breathe... and the nurse had her pompoms and was the cheering section. It was absolutely hilarious. The atmosphere in the room was happy.

Maybe later I will get into the story of Jeremiah's birth. Suffice it to say, it was more oppressive the first time and definitely not a happy feeling.

So thankful it is over and to be back home getting on with life. Jeremy is staying home the rest of the week and he is pampering me very sweetly.

Soon and very soon!

I am now four days past my due date with Jonah. I have had contractions since Saturday and they are beginning to feel a little stronger... even had some full belly pains in the last half-hour. Of course, I have had signs before; but we'll just have to wait and see.



This is my last week as a pregnant lady.





While loading this picture, I just had another doozy. We'll see you on the other side!

Getting ready

Have you ever heard of the nesting instinct? In my reading, I have been told of some rather strange impulses that pregnant women have before giving birth. One woman was completely obsessed with polishing all the doorknobs in her home. Bizarre and pointless.

My nesting instinct typically has to do with actual preparation, such as getting the nursery completed, one last housecleaning, and packing for the hospital trip. We finally completed all those tasks within the last couple of weekends. Saturday, I took the opportunity to pack for Jeremiah and myself to be gone for a few days, took a nap (because the activity wiped me out) and woke up with very strong contractions. Talk about timing.

My contractions lasted virtually all night, which didn't allow me to sleep much at all. Since they continued to be naggy, I visited the hospital after church and got checked out. The update is that my cervix is very soft and I am beginning to dilate. They are not certain when true labor will begin, but I just need to go home and deal with these pesky contractions until something stronger and more frequent occurs.

My next doctor visit is this Wednesday... we'll see if there is any progression then.

Overature Center

Several weeks ago (yes, I know I am delinquent in posting this), we took a family outing to the Overature Center in Madison. They were having a 5-year anniversary celebration of their new building (more like raising awareness to try to pull in more people to pay it off). We decided to go because the event was free and there were some kids' activities we thought Jeremiah would enjoy.


Down in the kid's section, they had several musicians playing for kids who wanted to sing on a stage in front of the rest of us. Sort of like karoke, but with live musicians helping out where needed. Some kids' chose to sing "I like horses" for the duration of their proud moment in the spotlight, but the musicians made it hilarious to watch and helped the kids feel good about their efforts.


There was also a dress-up corner with costumes from the kid's theatre program. Where else did you think I found such a perfect hat for Jeremy?

Nicknames

Do you have strange nicknames for your children? I don't know where any of mine came from -- they all popped out all by themselves -- but Jeremiah has had quite a few. One is "Jew boy" (for obvious reasons), but rarely used. Usually it comes out when I'm trying to say something else. But ones that are commonly used in our house are "Lou" "Moo" and "Mr. Moo". Jeremy uses the familiar "Buddy".

When Jeremiah was first born, I called him "Hoover" sometimes (he sucked really hard), but it didn't stick longterm.

Now that Jonah is coming any day, I have been wondering what names will pop out of my mouth when talking to him. None of these seems calculated or makes sense in any way.

What are some names you've used for your kids?



The little boy with all the names... two years ago, that is.

The Blessings of Facebook

You know, I never thought I would say that something as frivolous as a site like Facebook would be a blessing... but God has been showing me otherwise. At first it seemed like a place to waste time... and it is (or can be). There are so many things to distract one from using their time wisely, like all the games it offers... or pointless exercises in "farming" (WHY??) and all those silly quizzes that have no idea what they're talking about.

The thing that is beginning to change my mind about Facebook is the fact that I have found so many people who were lost to me. I'm not talking about my first friend from grade school (though, yes, I did find her as well)... but family. I found my biological sister (a full-blood sister), and a half-sister that I didn't know I had. I also, through my half-sister, found my biological dad. These have been excellent uses of my time. I am forming relationships and finding out about my past as well as, hopefully, building a rapport that may bring these relations to Christ.

However, the more meaningful aspect of finding people came recently when I started reconnecting with people from my adopted family. My parents (yes, the story will be coming eventually) effectively cut out everyone from their families and we were raised without aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents because they were all "sinful", "unsaved", "didn't go to church"... blah blah blah. To me (at least now), that is no longer a valid reason to cut someone off from your life.

Today, the most encouraging one of all, I had a phone call from a cousin that I met when I was a child. He had a very rough childhood and yet God saved him through it all and he is a very gentle man and so kind and such a witness for Christ. He is passionate about serving the Lord in whatever he does and has always wanted to be part of a family. Since he was abandoned when he was a child, he has made do with creating his own family with his wife; but now that we found each other, we are forming a relationship that I am praying will be mutually encouraging and uplifting spiritually. We, through our talk this afternoon, found that we are kindred spirits in that our situations and experiences have been similar and God has protected us both through them. We can relate to one another and it is so relieving to knowthat at least one person in your family actually cares about you.

Well... that is my praise for today. Thank God for Sevrin (my cousin) and may he continue to be greatly blessed.

Our weekend

This weekend has not been very good for Jeremiah. My poor little boy has conjunctivitis in his eyes and the medicine we were using wasn't strong enough to kill the infection, so this morning I took him to Urgent Care instead of going to church.

He has been such a trooper. He was so excited to see the fish aquarium in the doctor's office and spent the time in the waiting room talking about all the fish and the colors and the one who was "eating the rocks"... more like eating the algae off the rocks.

Then when we were called in for his basic vitals and why we were there, the nurse was so kind to him and let him be involved in watching the buttons she pushed and all the "thinking" when he stood on the scale and she took his temperature and his blood pressure from a "bandaid on his finger".

After that, we had to go back into the sign in area and I was admitted into the hospital with an armband with all Jeremiah's information and the receptionist giggled when Jeremiah wanted to have his own bracelet... so she made him one, too. Jeremiah thought it was so cool, that he's still wearing it nearly eight hours later.

When we were finally called into a room to see the doctor, another nurse plied Jeremiah with stickers of dinasaurs and trucks which kept him busy the whole time. Usually, when we go to the doctor, Jeremiah isn't happy about all the instruments in his face; but we had talked during the drive in the car about how they were going to look at his eyes and he needed to keep them open for the doctor... and he did really well. He looked at the light and let the doctor stick things in his nose and ears as well, with no fuss.

That's my big boy! Now, he's outside with Daddy playing baseball with his whiffle ball and bat.

Making a change

My friend, Ivana, asked that I move my journaling from Xanga to Blogspot with her. Since it doesn't seem like anyone reads my rambling accounts anyway, I figured "what's the harm?" So, here I am.

My aim in this so-called journaling is to keep an account of my growing family. My husband, Jeremy, and I "met" back in September 2005. I was living in Missouri at the time and we were both utilizing a Christian website to find relationships since our respective churches didn't have anyone our own age to consider. We had both come to the end of searching, thinking that God must have singleness in mind when we found each other. Jeremy saw that I matched him 100% (I didn't show him anywhere on my "matching" radar having very strong opinions on skinny, short men) and decided to message me. He said he really liked my picture.

I thought he was nuts. But that's how our romance started. I figured anyone who actually "liked" my picture had to be just as quirky or eccentric as I was... and I was right.

After chatting and talking on the phone for about two months, I drove to Wisconsin for a weekend retreat and met Jeremy in person. We decided, after that weekend, that barring an act of God we would get married. And we did... four months later.

Now, nearly four years later, we have almost* two sons: Jeremiah William (2 years, 4 months) and Jonah (who will be joining us in November) and two dogs:

Opie Dopie (my dog from before marriage) and Carlie Symon (a recent addition to our family).

My hope is that this new format will allow me to place my ramblings in a decent format in an easy manner (so far, the picture uploading caused me a bit of a headache trying to figure it out)... that I may even theologize or discuss books and recipes or anything else that pops in my head. But, I am going to give it my best effort. Love you, Ivana... just for you.

Well, let's forge ahead. I've got a busy day coming.