Boys tend to be lazy. One of the central duties parents have with regard to their boys is the duty of teaching and instilling work ethic. "He that gathers in summer is a wise son: but he that sleeps in harvest is a son that causes shame" (Proverbs 10:5).
Work is not a result of the fall of Adam, but work goes the difficult way it does because of the fall. We were created for work. But when sin entered, Go saw that thorns and thistles were needed. In His grace, God cursed the ground. This is why boys need to be taught and disciplined in physical labor. Hard physical work is an important part of a boy's discipleship. He needs to know what it is like to be exhausted, to have callouses on his hands, and to work when his body does not really want to anymore. He needs this; God said so. He is a son of Adam.
A boy who learns to settle into his laziness is being prepared by his parents for a life of frustration. "The soul of the sluggard desires, and has nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat" (Proverbs 13:4). The fourth commandement has two parts which depend upon one another. One part, of course, is the day of rest, but the other part is the six days of labor. Without the labor, the rest is nonsensical. Without the rest, the work is slavery. Learned together, a boy comes to comprehend the dignity of labor that is offered up to God in the name of Christ.
<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Chapter 6 - Secret Sin, Tolerated Sin
"But if you do not do so, then take note, you have sinned against the Lord; and be sure your sin will find you out." Numbers 32:23
Boys need to grow up knowing that sin cannot ever be truly covered up. One of our regular prayers should be that God would give us (parents) any information we need to know in order to be good parents.
If young men begin to nurture secret sin in their lives, then they have forgotten (or perhaps have never been taught) certain basic truths from God's Word. "And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account." (Hebrews 4:13)
Secret sin is only temporarily secret. God is not mocked, and a man reaps what he sows. Reaping is typically a very public matter. And God has promised to publicize things we would rather keep secret. As we know from King David in 2 Samuel 11, sin breeds sin and hidden sin breeds more hidden sin. But as sin accumulates, it becomes impossible for the sinner to "manage".
Individuals who hide their sin are often guilty of another sin as well -- the sin of individualism. They believe that what they do affects only them. This is false.
But, through all this, God is merciful. He will forgive young men who have been discovered in the grip of secret sin. The only solution to this is to want God's mercy so much that you are willing to do exactly what He says when you apply to Him for it. And that means full and honest confession. This does not mean that everything is automatically fixed through an act of "mental obedience" alone, but it does begin there.
<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>
Boys need to grow up knowing that sin cannot ever be truly covered up. One of our regular prayers should be that God would give us (parents) any information we need to know in order to be good parents.
If young men begin to nurture secret sin in their lives, then they have forgotten (or perhaps have never been taught) certain basic truths from God's Word. "And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account." (Hebrews 4:13)
Secret sin is only temporarily secret. God is not mocked, and a man reaps what he sows. Reaping is typically a very public matter. And God has promised to publicize things we would rather keep secret. As we know from King David in 2 Samuel 11, sin breeds sin and hidden sin breeds more hidden sin. But as sin accumulates, it becomes impossible for the sinner to "manage".
Individuals who hide their sin are often guilty of another sin as well -- the sin of individualism. They believe that what they do affects only them. This is false.
But, through all this, God is merciful. He will forgive young men who have been discovered in the grip of secret sin. The only solution to this is to want God's mercy so much that you are willing to do exactly what He says when you apply to Him for it. And that means full and honest confession. This does not mean that everything is automatically fixed through an act of "mental obedience" alone, but it does begin there.
<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>
Sunday, September 27, 2009
The Blessings of Facebook
You know, I never thought I would say that something as frivolous as a site like Facebook would be a blessing... but God has been showing me otherwise. At first it seemed like a place to waste time... and it is (or can be). There are so many things to distract one from using their time wisely, like all the games it offers... or pointless exercises in "farming" (WHY??) and all those silly quizzes that have no idea what they're talking about.
The thing that is beginning to change my mind about Facebook is the fact that I have found so many people who were lost to me. I'm not talking about my first friend from grade school (though, yes, I did find her as well)... but family. I found my biological sister (a full-blood sister), and a half-sister that I didn't know I had. I also, through my half-sister, found my biological dad. These have been excellent uses of my time. I am forming relationships and finding out about my past as well as, hopefully, building a rapport that may bring these relations to Christ.
However, the more meaningful aspect of finding people came recently when I started reconnecting with people from my adopted family. My parents (yes, the story will be coming eventually) effectively cut out everyone from their families and we were raised without aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents because they were all "sinful", "unsaved", "didn't go to church"... blah blah blah. To me (at least now), that is no longer a valid reason to cut someone off from your life.
Today, the most encouraging one of all, I had a phone call from a cousin that I met when I was a child. He had a very rough childhood and yet God saved him through it all and he is a very gentle man and so kind and such a witness for Christ. He is passionate about serving the Lord in whatever he does and has always wanted to be part of a family. Since he was abandoned when he was a child, he has made do with creating his own family with his wife; but now that we found each other, we are forming a relationship that I am praying will be mutually encouraging and uplifting spiritually. We, through our talk this afternoon, found that we are kindred spirits in that our situations and experiences have been similar and God has protected us both through them. We can relate to one another and it is so relieving to knowthat at least one person in your family actually cares about you.
Well... that is my praise for today. Thank God for Sevrin (my cousin) and may he continue to be greatly blessed.
The thing that is beginning to change my mind about Facebook is the fact that I have found so many people who were lost to me. I'm not talking about my first friend from grade school (though, yes, I did find her as well)... but family. I found my biological sister (a full-blood sister), and a half-sister that I didn't know I had. I also, through my half-sister, found my biological dad. These have been excellent uses of my time. I am forming relationships and finding out about my past as well as, hopefully, building a rapport that may bring these relations to Christ.
However, the more meaningful aspect of finding people came recently when I started reconnecting with people from my adopted family. My parents (yes, the story will be coming eventually) effectively cut out everyone from their families and we were raised without aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents because they were all "sinful", "unsaved", "didn't go to church"... blah blah blah. To me (at least now), that is no longer a valid reason to cut someone off from your life.
Today, the most encouraging one of all, I had a phone call from a cousin that I met when I was a child. He had a very rough childhood and yet God saved him through it all and he is a very gentle man and so kind and such a witness for Christ. He is passionate about serving the Lord in whatever he does and has always wanted to be part of a family. Since he was abandoned when he was a child, he has made do with creating his own family with his wife; but now that we found each other, we are forming a relationship that I am praying will be mutually encouraging and uplifting spiritually. We, through our talk this afternoon, found that we are kindred spirits in that our situations and experiences have been similar and God has protected us both through them. We can relate to one another and it is so relieving to knowthat at least one person in your family actually cares about you.
Well... that is my praise for today. Thank God for Sevrin (my cousin) and may he continue to be greatly blessed.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Chapter 2 - Effeminacy and Biblical Masculinity
As we are living in a feminist and effeminate culture, most people are uneasy with true masculinity and are ignorant about how it should look. There are two directions a boy can take apart from biblical masculinity: effeminacy and macho-like counterfeit masculinity.
In taking the effeminate role, he is taking a set of virtues which are not supposed to be his. With the macho-like counterfeit masculinity, he is adopting a set of pseudo-virtues, practices which are not virtues at all.
Boys should not, as a rule, play with dolls... and those who do have a problem. Most boys naturally see effeminacy as "yuck". Instruction and correction is necessary since boys do not how to make the distinction between that which should be mocked in themselves and that which must be honored in the girls.
Rolling around in the dirt is not the only way to show masculinity... as we've already seen, boys should be studying to become wise, studying to be a sage when he is old. That is not the same thing as wearing a frilly apron. Men can work indoors helping and leading with many domestic duties, though their focus will be different.
Fathers who are domineering will browbeat their sons into a pattern of cowering submission which is effeminate and then wonder why their sons do not follow their example. The reason is that their father would not permit it. He was not training his son; he was sitting on him.
On the other side of unbiblical masculinity is the counterfeit masculinity. This is a problem which occurs when people "glory" in masculinity. This type of masculinity excels at making excuses. It is a matter of pride rather than humble acceptance of responsibility.
One thing that threatens pride is any kind of failure, and the way insecure males deal with this is through making excuses. True masculinity accepts responsibility, period. Boys don't just do this naturally, they also learn it from their parents. Children (especially as seen in sports) don't have to stand up for themselves and their mistakes, their parents are often modeling these behaviors when "explaining" why the coach was wrong in his decision about their son. Boys must learn to say that they were wrong when they were wrong, and that they were responsible when they were responsible.
<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>
In taking the effeminate role, he is taking a set of virtues which are not supposed to be his. With the macho-like counterfeit masculinity, he is adopting a set of pseudo-virtues, practices which are not virtues at all.
Boys should not, as a rule, play with dolls... and those who do have a problem. Most boys naturally see effeminacy as "yuck". Instruction and correction is necessary since boys do not how to make the distinction between that which should be mocked in themselves and that which must be honored in the girls.
Rolling around in the dirt is not the only way to show masculinity... as we've already seen, boys should be studying to become wise, studying to be a sage when he is old. That is not the same thing as wearing a frilly apron. Men can work indoors helping and leading with many domestic duties, though their focus will be different.
Fathers who are domineering will browbeat their sons into a pattern of cowering submission which is effeminate and then wonder why their sons do not follow their example. The reason is that their father would not permit it. He was not training his son; he was sitting on him.
On the other side of unbiblical masculinity is the counterfeit masculinity. This is a problem which occurs when people "glory" in masculinity. This type of masculinity excels at making excuses. It is a matter of pride rather than humble acceptance of responsibility.
One thing that threatens pride is any kind of failure, and the way insecure males deal with this is through making excuses. True masculinity accepts responsibility, period. Boys don't just do this naturally, they also learn it from their parents. Children (especially as seen in sports) don't have to stand up for themselves and their mistakes, their parents are often modeling these behaviors when "explaining" why the coach was wrong in his decision about their son. Boys must learn to say that they were wrong when they were wrong, and that they were responsible when they were responsible.
<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Chapter 1 - The Shape of Masculinity
You've heard the adage, "Boys will be boys," so obviously there is the aspect of masculinity that is very different from our girls. The first thing to know is "what is masculinity?" and "what are we looking for when we describe manhood according to the Bible?"
First, our boys will be "lords". We know from Genesis 1: 26-28 that man was created to exercise dominion in the earth. Sin has certainly affected our ability to fulfill this command from God, but it did not remove the obligation placed on us by the command.
Another aspect of this command is seen in the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20): disciple the nations and bring them to true submission to Christ. Boys want to conquer and subdue. The point of discipline with boys is to channel and direct their energy into an obedient response to the cultural mandate. It is not to squash that energy, destroying it or making it sullen. Boys, therefore, should be in training to become men who exercise dominion, they should be learning to be lords in the earth, and learning how to be adventurous and visionary.
Second, our boys will be "husbandmen." Man was created to make our world flourish. The dominion mandate, taken in isolation, could result in men trying to build a culture based on piracy. This second aspect means that men are created to conquer and subdue, and after that, to settle down. In Genesis 2:15, "God took man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it." Man doesn't just build, he must tend and oversee.
A rich farmer was once rebuked for having his sons work in the fields when they didn't have to. His reply to that was that he wasn't raising corn, he was raising boys. Boys, therefore, should be learning to be patient, careful, and hardworking.
Third, our boys will be "saviors". Men have a deep desire to deliver or save. The great example of a savior is, of course, Jesus Christ. His deliverance from the serpent (dragon) was promised to His people in the early chapters of Genesis. God promised a curse on the serpent, and in that curse we see the salvation of the world.
Men who follow Jesus Christ, the "dragon-slayer", must themselves become lesser dragon-slayers. This is why it is absolutely essential for boys to play with wooden swords and plastic guns. Boys have a deep need to have something to defend, something to represent in battle. The Christian faith is not pacifistic. The peace that will be ushered in by our Prince will be a peace purchased with blood. As Christ sacrificed Himself in this war, so must His followers learn to do. Boys must learn that they are growing up to fight in a great war, and they must consequently learn, as boys, to be strong, sacrificial, courageous, and good.
Fourth, our boys will be "sages". The sage is a man who is great in wisdom, and wisdom in Scripture is personified as a great lady. Sons are constantly exhorted to listen to her. Looking at Proverbs 1-9, we see that wisdom is a woman who disciplines boys. If he heeds wisdom in her role as the strict school-mistress, he grows up to a certain measure of wisdom.
We must, therefore, teach our boys the masculinity of study, of learning, of books, of intellectual discussion. Too often, boys drift into a situation where they pit one aspect of masculinity against another. For instance, a boy who loves the outdoors can too readily dismiss software programming as effeminate, or even worse, come to look down on poetry.
Intellectual discipline, or, as Peter put it, girding up the loins of the mind, is an important part of growing to manhood. Boys must learn to be teachable, studious, and thoughtful.
Finally, our boys will be "glory-bearers". This last aspect of masculinity is seen in the fact that men are the glory of God. "For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man" (1 Corinthians 11:3).
Boys must be instructed on how to grow up into glory and how to fulfill their responsibility to be representative, responsible, and holy.
In summary, we should want our boys to be aggressive and adventurous. They are learning to be lords of the earth. We should want them to be patient and hardworking. They are learning husbandry. We should want them to hate evil and to have a deep desire to fight it. They are learning what a weapon feels like in their hands. We should want boys to be eager to learn from the wise. They are learning to become wise themselves. We should want them to stand before God, in the worship of God, with head uncovered. They are the image and glory of God.
<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>
First, our boys will be "lords". We know from Genesis 1: 26-28 that man was created to exercise dominion in the earth. Sin has certainly affected our ability to fulfill this command from God, but it did not remove the obligation placed on us by the command.
Another aspect of this command is seen in the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20): disciple the nations and bring them to true submission to Christ. Boys want to conquer and subdue. The point of discipline with boys is to channel and direct their energy into an obedient response to the cultural mandate. It is not to squash that energy, destroying it or making it sullen. Boys, therefore, should be in training to become men who exercise dominion, they should be learning to be lords in the earth, and learning how to be adventurous and visionary.
Second, our boys will be "husbandmen." Man was created to make our world flourish. The dominion mandate, taken in isolation, could result in men trying to build a culture based on piracy. This second aspect means that men are created to conquer and subdue, and after that, to settle down. In Genesis 2:15, "God took man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it." Man doesn't just build, he must tend and oversee.
A rich farmer was once rebuked for having his sons work in the fields when they didn't have to. His reply to that was that he wasn't raising corn, he was raising boys. Boys, therefore, should be learning to be patient, careful, and hardworking.
Third, our boys will be "saviors". Men have a deep desire to deliver or save. The great example of a savior is, of course, Jesus Christ. His deliverance from the serpent (dragon) was promised to His people in the early chapters of Genesis. God promised a curse on the serpent, and in that curse we see the salvation of the world.
Men who follow Jesus Christ, the "dragon-slayer", must themselves become lesser dragon-slayers. This is why it is absolutely essential for boys to play with wooden swords and plastic guns. Boys have a deep need to have something to defend, something to represent in battle. The Christian faith is not pacifistic. The peace that will be ushered in by our Prince will be a peace purchased with blood. As Christ sacrificed Himself in this war, so must His followers learn to do. Boys must learn that they are growing up to fight in a great war, and they must consequently learn, as boys, to be strong, sacrificial, courageous, and good.
Fourth, our boys will be "sages". The sage is a man who is great in wisdom, and wisdom in Scripture is personified as a great lady. Sons are constantly exhorted to listen to her. Looking at Proverbs 1-9, we see that wisdom is a woman who disciplines boys. If he heeds wisdom in her role as the strict school-mistress, he grows up to a certain measure of wisdom.
We must, therefore, teach our boys the masculinity of study, of learning, of books, of intellectual discussion. Too often, boys drift into a situation where they pit one aspect of masculinity against another. For instance, a boy who loves the outdoors can too readily dismiss software programming as effeminate, or even worse, come to look down on poetry.
Intellectual discipline, or, as Peter put it, girding up the loins of the mind, is an important part of growing to manhood. Boys must learn to be teachable, studious, and thoughtful.
Finally, our boys will be "glory-bearers". This last aspect of masculinity is seen in the fact that men are the glory of God. "For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man" (1 Corinthians 11:3).
Boys must be instructed on how to grow up into glory and how to fulfill their responsibility to be representative, responsible, and holy.
In summary, we should want our boys to be aggressive and adventurous. They are learning to be lords of the earth. We should want them to be patient and hardworking. They are learning husbandry. We should want them to hate evil and to have a deep desire to fight it. They are learning what a weapon feels like in their hands. We should want boys to be eager to learn from the wise. They are learning to become wise themselves. We should want them to stand before God, in the worship of God, with head uncovered. They are the image and glory of God.
<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
"Future Men" - Introduction
I heard about this book from my friend, Ivana, who is about to have her third boy and I thought that it would be an excellent book for myself as well since I am going to have my second boy soon. We'll just start from the beginning and hopefully I'll be able to clearly explain what I've learned in each section and maybe even be a help to someone else who has "future men".
The introduction to the book essentially tells parents that they must have faith about our boys. Despite how they look now, they are our future lawyers, airline pilots, pastors, etc. Unbelief is always anchored to the present, while faith looks at that which is unseen. We, as parents, must have the "faith of a farmer, or a sculptor, or anyone else engaged in the work of shaping unfolding possibilities." A parent of faith looks at the present and sees what it will become-- through grace and good works.
Boys don't often think about the consequences before they leap into something, but it is our job to see the best and the virtues displayed in each of those "unwise acts" in order to make something good out of it. Unbelief sees the lack of wisdom that created a situation that could have been easily avoided; faith sees an immature masculinity that is starting to assume the burden of manhood. Unbelief squashes; faith teaches. It is important to take your boys aside and tell him that part of what he did was good, while that other part of what he did got in the way, "And this is how to do it better next time."
Faith is central in bringing up boys, but it is important to remember that the object of faith is not the boy. It is faith in God, faith in His promises, faith in His wisdom. Faith concerns the boy, and the boy can see that it concerns him. Parents are to believe God for their sons, which is a very different thing than believing their sons.
God is the one who places a specific boy in a particular home. And He does so in order that those parents who believe and obey Him might come to delight in a wise son, a son who is like Jesus Christ. "My son, if your heart is wise, my heart will rejoice—indeed, I myself; Yes, my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak right things..." (Proverbs 23:15-16).
<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>
The introduction to the book essentially tells parents that they must have faith about our boys. Despite how they look now, they are our future lawyers, airline pilots, pastors, etc. Unbelief is always anchored to the present, while faith looks at that which is unseen. We, as parents, must have the "faith of a farmer, or a sculptor, or anyone else engaged in the work of shaping unfolding possibilities." A parent of faith looks at the present and sees what it will become-- through grace and good works.
Boys don't often think about the consequences before they leap into something, but it is our job to see the best and the virtues displayed in each of those "unwise acts" in order to make something good out of it. Unbelief sees the lack of wisdom that created a situation that could have been easily avoided; faith sees an immature masculinity that is starting to assume the burden of manhood. Unbelief squashes; faith teaches. It is important to take your boys aside and tell him that part of what he did was good, while that other part of what he did got in the way, "And this is how to do it better next time."
Faith is central in bringing up boys, but it is important to remember that the object of faith is not the boy. It is faith in God, faith in His promises, faith in His wisdom. Faith concerns the boy, and the boy can see that it concerns him. Parents are to believe God for their sons, which is a very different thing than believing their sons.
God is the one who places a specific boy in a particular home. And He does so in order that those parents who believe and obey Him might come to delight in a wise son, a son who is like Jesus Christ. "My son, if your heart is wise, my heart will rejoice—indeed, I myself; Yes, my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak right things..." (Proverbs 23:15-16).
<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Preterm Labor
That is the phrase the nurse and doctor used on me at the hospital last night. I have been experiencing "discomfort" since Friday and just tried to suck it up until Saturday night. I thought it was just Braxton Hicks contractions, but then remembered that BHC doesn't occur in one's back... so I called the hospital and after giving me an assignment to rehydrate while lying down to see if that decreased the contractions, had me come in because it didn't work.
I ended up arriving at Sauk Prairie Memorial Hospital (45 minute drive from our home in Portage) at 9:00pm and left today (Sunday) at 8:30am after two shots of a uterine relaxer (don't really remember the name) which made me really hyper and shaky since the contractions were anywhere from 4 to 6 minutes apart. Thankfully, I can be home and do my normal activities MINUS bike rides and walks (according to the doctor). If I get anymore contractions, though, I'll have to go back in.
Week 34 may change all that. They are less likely to try and stop the contractions once you reach that magic cutoff because there is a higher chance of infection and less chance of the prevention actually working. I am in Week 32.
So, that is my weekend update.
In other news, I started a book (recommended by my friend Ivana) called "Future Men" which I hope to talk about on this blog. I read the introduction yesterday in my hot bath (while trying to minimize my contraction discomfort)... and I think this book review will be most profitable for all of us.
Until then...
I ended up arriving at Sauk Prairie Memorial Hospital (45 minute drive from our home in Portage) at 9:00pm and left today (Sunday) at 8:30am after two shots of a uterine relaxer (don't really remember the name) which made me really hyper and shaky since the contractions were anywhere from 4 to 6 minutes apart. Thankfully, I can be home and do my normal activities MINUS bike rides and walks (according to the doctor). If I get anymore contractions, though, I'll have to go back in.
Week 34 may change all that. They are less likely to try and stop the contractions once you reach that magic cutoff because there is a higher chance of infection and less chance of the prevention actually working. I am in Week 32.
So, that is my weekend update.
In other news, I started a book (recommended by my friend Ivana) called "Future Men" which I hope to talk about on this blog. I read the introduction yesterday in my hot bath (while trying to minimize my contraction discomfort)... and I think this book review will be most profitable for all of us.
Until then...
Friday, September 18, 2009
Happy New Year!
Tonight (at sundown) is the start of the Jewish new year, called Rosh Hashana. Being born into a Jewish family (my biological family, that is), I have always been interested in finding out about my heritage and the traditions associated with it.
The history of this High Holy Day is really interesting, so I thought I would post it for you (as found here) so you can check it out for yourself in more detail.
Rosh HaShanah (ראש השנה) falls once a year during the month of Tishrei and occurs ten days before Yom Kippur ("The Day of Atonement").
Jewish tradition teaches that during these High Holy Days, God decides who will live and who will die during the coming year. As a result, during Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur (and in the days leading up to them), Jews embark upon the serious task of examining their lives and repenting for any wrongs they have committed during the previous year. Jews are encouraged to make amends with anyone they have wronged and to make plans for improving during the coming year. In this way, Rosh HaShanah is all about making peace in the community and striving to be a better person.
Even though the theme of Rosh HaShanah is life and death, it is a holiday filled with hope for the New Year. Jews believe that God is compassionate and just, and that God will accept their prayers for forgiveness.
Isn't it amazing to see the parallels that God made between His chosen people and how Christians live and believe today? Of course, there is only salvation and surety in Jesus Christ, the Messiah; but this tradition is an excellent way to begin to show my children the importance of confession and striving to live a holy life before God.
Have a blessed weekend... and remember that every day is a new day in Christ.
The history of this High Holy Day is really interesting, so I thought I would post it for you (as found here) so you can check it out for yourself in more detail.
Rosh HaShanah (ראש השנה) falls once a year during the month of Tishrei and occurs ten days before Yom Kippur ("The Day of Atonement").
Jewish tradition teaches that during these High Holy Days, God decides who will live and who will die during the coming year. As a result, during Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur (and in the days leading up to them), Jews embark upon the serious task of examining their lives and repenting for any wrongs they have committed during the previous year. Jews are encouraged to make amends with anyone they have wronged and to make plans for improving during the coming year. In this way, Rosh HaShanah is all about making peace in the community and striving to be a better person.
Even though the theme of Rosh HaShanah is life and death, it is a holiday filled with hope for the New Year. Jews believe that God is compassionate and just, and that God will accept their prayers for forgiveness.
Isn't it amazing to see the parallels that God made between His chosen people and how Christians live and believe today? Of course, there is only salvation and surety in Jesus Christ, the Messiah; but this tradition is an excellent way to begin to show my children the importance of confession and striving to live a holy life before God.
Have a blessed weekend... and remember that every day is a new day in Christ.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Forgiveness Don't Take a Thang
I have been pondering forgiveness the last several weeks. For those of you who don't know my family, my thoughts may seem a bit odd. But please hang in there... I am planning on filling in the details of my past in future posts.
Because of the situation with my parents, my thoughts have run the gamut of how I should respond from completely cutting them off from myself and my family (not that there is any relationship to cut off, you understand) to keeping things status quo and allowing them to stay abreast of my family activities through periodical updates and pictures that I choose to send them and cards for various holidays and special days. It has been a chore to figure out how to continue to "forgive" them when they don't even recognize that they have done so many things to offend and deliberately hurt me.
Should I expect an apology or some kind of recognition for the pain they have caused before I extend my forgiveness?
As a child, I was taught the proper formula for apologizing. This was not an option. This formula was mandated if we were to be forgiven. "Sorry" or "I'm sorry" was not good enough. We had to say "I am sorry FOR... [spell out the offense]." But it didn't stop there.... at the end of our detailed apology we had to ask "Will you please forgive me?" Verbatim. If we didn't go through each of those steps, it was not good enough.
Since this was drummed into my head, it crossed over into so many areas of my life as I have been able to see myself as an adult and how I respond to others. It affects my relationship with God and how I confess my sin, how I respond to my husband when he offends me, and especially now, how I am trying to deal with the situation with my parents.
For me, God was always a hard-nosed, unforgiving God... it was impossible to please Him. He was never satisfied and would never forgive or love me because I just couldn't live up to His standards and perform up to His expectations. I'll get into that story in a later post.
In my marriage, Jeremy and I don't usually have fights or disagreements anymore (at least not the violent kind); but when we have one of our rare spats and he's in the wrong (because he usually is), I can't move on until I hear the words "I'm sorry" proceed from his mouth. I am not someone who likes to drag things out and just hang onto the problem for days on end while we "work through the issues". I have to resolve it quickly because it plagues my heart and my mind.. but Jeremy has always been one to dismiss it and try to ignore it for as long as possible and "Just let it go, babe". But I can't. I HAVE to hear him say he's sorry.. it has to be those specific words. Otherwise, I can't believe that he actually means it or that he respects me or whatever it is my emotions are telling me at that specific time.
And now, with my parents, I am at a loss. I spoke with a good friend of mine who has been counseling me since I moved away from California to escape my parents and she reminded me of some things last night.
All of us know 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails..."
This kind of forgiveness and love I can certainly work on fostering with my husband... because I DO love him. He is a good man. An imperfect man, absolutely... but still a good man who loves me and doesn't deliberately try to upset me or offend me.
Regarding my parents, I am provoked by them. I don't believe the best about them... and I am certainly tired of enduring all things from them. How does this apply to my situation?
Proverbs 10:12 "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins."
Again... love. As much as I do not want to admit it, I do love my parents. I have hated my parents... I have hated what they have done to me. I have hated how they have treated me and persisted in trying to force me to "repent" of things that I haven't done or "recant" things that are true. How do I know I love them? It still hurts. I cry over it. I ache over the loss. If it didn't hurt, I would be free of love. My love can cover their stupidity despite the fact that they haven't asked for forgiveness. I should just do it.
That doesn't mean that I have to continue to open myself up for attack. Based on this last interaction with my parents, I may not continue to send updates. I haven't decided, yet; but the possibility is there that continuing contact may not be the correct course at this time. That doesn't mean that "no contact" means forever... but at least for this next step, it may be proper. I am still praying that God will give me peace about whatever decision He wants me to make concerning this situation. But one thing I do know for certain... I CAN FORGIVE. Can you?
Because of the situation with my parents, my thoughts have run the gamut of how I should respond from completely cutting them off from myself and my family (not that there is any relationship to cut off, you understand) to keeping things status quo and allowing them to stay abreast of my family activities through periodical updates and pictures that I choose to send them and cards for various holidays and special days. It has been a chore to figure out how to continue to "forgive" them when they don't even recognize that they have done so many things to offend and deliberately hurt me.
Should I expect an apology or some kind of recognition for the pain they have caused before I extend my forgiveness?
As a child, I was taught the proper formula for apologizing. This was not an option. This formula was mandated if we were to be forgiven. "Sorry" or "I'm sorry" was not good enough. We had to say "I am sorry FOR... [spell out the offense]." But it didn't stop there.... at the end of our detailed apology we had to ask "Will you please forgive me?" Verbatim. If we didn't go through each of those steps, it was not good enough.
Since this was drummed into my head, it crossed over into so many areas of my life as I have been able to see myself as an adult and how I respond to others. It affects my relationship with God and how I confess my sin, how I respond to my husband when he offends me, and especially now, how I am trying to deal with the situation with my parents.
For me, God was always a hard-nosed, unforgiving God... it was impossible to please Him. He was never satisfied and would never forgive or love me because I just couldn't live up to His standards and perform up to His expectations. I'll get into that story in a later post.
In my marriage, Jeremy and I don't usually have fights or disagreements anymore (at least not the violent kind); but when we have one of our rare spats and he's in the wrong (because he usually is), I can't move on until I hear the words "I'm sorry" proceed from his mouth. I am not someone who likes to drag things out and just hang onto the problem for days on end while we "work through the issues". I have to resolve it quickly because it plagues my heart and my mind.. but Jeremy has always been one to dismiss it and try to ignore it for as long as possible and "Just let it go, babe". But I can't. I HAVE to hear him say he's sorry.. it has to be those specific words. Otherwise, I can't believe that he actually means it or that he respects me or whatever it is my emotions are telling me at that specific time.
And now, with my parents, I am at a loss. I spoke with a good friend of mine who has been counseling me since I moved away from California to escape my parents and she reminded me of some things last night.
All of us know 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails..."
This kind of forgiveness and love I can certainly work on fostering with my husband... because I DO love him. He is a good man. An imperfect man, absolutely... but still a good man who loves me and doesn't deliberately try to upset me or offend me.
Regarding my parents, I am provoked by them. I don't believe the best about them... and I am certainly tired of enduring all things from them. How does this apply to my situation?
Proverbs 10:12 "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins."
Again... love. As much as I do not want to admit it, I do love my parents. I have hated my parents... I have hated what they have done to me. I have hated how they have treated me and persisted in trying to force me to "repent" of things that I haven't done or "recant" things that are true. How do I know I love them? It still hurts. I cry over it. I ache over the loss. If it didn't hurt, I would be free of love. My love can cover their stupidity despite the fact that they haven't asked for forgiveness. I should just do it.
That doesn't mean that I have to continue to open myself up for attack. Based on this last interaction with my parents, I may not continue to send updates. I haven't decided, yet; but the possibility is there that continuing contact may not be the correct course at this time. That doesn't mean that "no contact" means forever... but at least for this next step, it may be proper. I am still praying that God will give me peace about whatever decision He wants me to make concerning this situation. But one thing I do know for certain... I CAN FORGIVE. Can you?
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Our weekend
This weekend has not been very good for Jeremiah. My poor little boy has conjunctivitis in his eyes and the medicine we were using wasn't strong enough to kill the infection, so this morning I took him to Urgent Care instead of going to church.
He has been such a trooper. He was so excited to see the fish aquarium in the doctor's office and spent the time in the waiting room talking about all the fish and the colors and the one who was "eating the rocks"... more like eating the algae off the rocks.
Then when we were called in for his basic vitals and why we were there, the nurse was so kind to him and let him be involved in watching the buttons she pushed and all the "thinking" when he stood on the scale and she took his temperature and his blood pressure from a "bandaid on his finger".
After that, we had to go back into the sign in area and I was admitted into the hospital with an armband with all Jeremiah's information and the receptionist giggled when Jeremiah wanted to have his own bracelet... so she made him one, too. Jeremiah thought it was so cool, that he's still wearing it nearly eight hours later.
When we were finally called into a room to see the doctor, another nurse plied Jeremiah with stickers of dinasaurs and trucks which kept him busy the whole time. Usually, when we go to the doctor, Jeremiah isn't happy about all the instruments in his face; but we had talked during the drive in the car about how they were going to look at his eyes and he needed to keep them open for the doctor... and he did really well. He looked at the light and let the doctor stick things in his nose and ears as well, with no fuss.
That's my big boy! Now, he's outside with Daddy playing baseball with his whiffle ball and bat.
He has been such a trooper. He was so excited to see the fish aquarium in the doctor's office and spent the time in the waiting room talking about all the fish and the colors and the one who was "eating the rocks"... more like eating the algae off the rocks.
Then when we were called in for his basic vitals and why we were there, the nurse was so kind to him and let him be involved in watching the buttons she pushed and all the "thinking" when he stood on the scale and she took his temperature and his blood pressure from a "bandaid on his finger".
After that, we had to go back into the sign in area and I was admitted into the hospital with an armband with all Jeremiah's information and the receptionist giggled when Jeremiah wanted to have his own bracelet... so she made him one, too. Jeremiah thought it was so cool, that he's still wearing it nearly eight hours later.
When we were finally called into a room to see the doctor, another nurse plied Jeremiah with stickers of dinasaurs and trucks which kept him busy the whole time. Usually, when we go to the doctor, Jeremiah isn't happy about all the instruments in his face; but we had talked during the drive in the car about how they were going to look at his eyes and he needed to keep them open for the doctor... and he did really well. He looked at the light and let the doctor stick things in his nose and ears as well, with no fuss.
That's my big boy! Now, he's outside with Daddy playing baseball with his whiffle ball and bat.
Friday, September 11, 2009
I will never forget
A really great video/song tribute can be found here http://www.woodyulmer.com/prayer.html
Please remember to tell your children and grandchildren what happened on this day. Don't ever forget.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Making a change
My friend, Ivana, asked that I move my journaling from Xanga to Blogspot with her. Since it doesn't seem like anyone reads my rambling accounts anyway, I figured "what's the harm?" So, here I am.
My aim in this so-called journaling is to keep an account of my growing family. My husband, Jeremy, and I "met" back in September 2005. I was living in Missouri at the time and we were both utilizing a Christian website to find relationships since our respective churches didn't have anyone our own age to consider. We had both come to the end of searching, thinking that God must have singleness in mind when we found each other. Jeremy saw that I matched him 100% (I didn't show him anywhere on my "matching" radar having very strong opinions on skinny, short men) and decided to message me. He said he really liked my picture.
I thought he was nuts. But that's how our romance started. I figured anyone who actually "liked" my picture had to be just as quirky or eccentric as I was... and I was right.
Now, nearly four years later, we have almost* two sons: Jeremiah William (2 years, 4 months) and Jonah (who will be joining us in November) and two dogs:
My aim in this so-called journaling is to keep an account of my growing family. My husband, Jeremy, and I "met" back in September 2005. I was living in Missouri at the time and we were both utilizing a Christian website to find relationships since our respective churches didn't have anyone our own age to consider. We had both come to the end of searching, thinking that God must have singleness in mind when we found each other. Jeremy saw that I matched him 100% (I didn't show him anywhere on my "matching" radar having very strong opinions on skinny, short men) and decided to message me. He said he really liked my picture.
I thought he was nuts. But that's how our romance started. I figured anyone who actually "liked" my picture had to be just as quirky or eccentric as I was... and I was right.After chatting and talking on the phone for about two months, I drove to Wisconsin for a weekend retreat and met Jeremy in person. We decided, after that weekend, that barring an act of God we would get married. And we did... four months later.
Now, nearly four years later, we have almost* two sons: Jeremiah William (2 years, 4 months) and Jonah (who will be joining us in November) and two dogs:
Opie Dopie (my dog from before marriage) and Carlie Symon (a recent addition to our family).
My hope is that this new format will allow me to place my ramblings in a decent format in an easy manner (so far, the picture uploading caused me a bit of a headache trying to figure it out)... that I may even theologize or discuss books and recipes or anything else that pops in my head. But, I am going to give it my best effort. Love you, Ivana... just for you.
Well, let's forge ahead. I've got a busy day coming.
Well, let's forge ahead. I've got a busy day coming.
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