Who Inherits?

My dear cousin is a great person who challenges my thinking in so many ways. Because of our conversations, I have been forced to go back to Scripture to figure out the truth rather than relying on the human propensity to wrongly judge or determine someone's spiritual fate despite their actions. It is so easy to despise someone for their sin instead of realizing that their sins are no more sinful than mine. So, then, who gets to inherit heaven?

Homosexuality is charged, in Christian circles, as a sin worthy of death and separation from God forever and ever Amen. However, what makes a Christian? Acts 2:21 says, "... whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved." And Acts 16:31 says "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved..." And last, Ephesians 2:8 says that it is "by grace you have been saved THROUGH FAITH, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, NOT OF WORKS, lest anyone should boast."

Now, that certainly gives me the impression that even someone who has committed "mortal sins" can definitely be saved. Believe on Christ... believe in His redemptive work... believe that it is only through HIM that you can be saved from sin. It says absolutely nothing about one's pet sins... because you know that we all have them. What is yours? Vanity? Eating too much ice cream (overindulgence and gluttony)? Coveteousness? So then, who are you to judge someone else who happens to be sinning in sexuality? It is just the same as you... they are JUST THE SAME AS YOU. They still require God's grace and forgiveness as you do.

Now, here is a perplexing verse. 1 Corinthians 6:9 -- "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor HOMOSEXUALS... will inherit the kingdom of God." That seems pretty clear. However, it also includes thieves and those who covet. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that even I have done that. So let's look at the next verse... "And such WERE some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus..." GREAT!! It says "were". Meaning, we are no longer. However, I know that I still lapse. Don't you? Does it mean only if we aren't in a consistent pattern of sin?

Many Christians fall into a pattern of sin. Does that mean they are no longer saved? Or that they were NEVER saved to begin with? My upbringing has confused this issue for me for so long that it is important to search out what God has to say on the matter and not wrongly judge or assess people's spiritual state lest I get it wrong and mortally offend someone.

I was brought up to believe that shunning people was an acceptable form of "punishment" for sins. Whether or not the person was believed to be saved, they would be shunned for real or percieved sins... naturally, we were the ones judging that. Our verse of defense in these actions was 2 Thessalonians 3:14 "And if anyone does not obey our word in this epistle, note that person and do not keep company with him, that he may be ashamed." However, we often forgot to "note" the next verse in which it states very clearly that this is only for those who are "brothers" and to not count him as an "enemy". The shunning with which I was involved (and still am... BEING shunned, not doing the shunning) was not loving, nor was it assumed that it was for brothers and sisters in Christ. The whole point of this admonishment was so that unsaved neighbors would not look in and see what was going on and think that Christians approved of that persons' actions.

So, is that not the same view we ought to take on everything else? A Christian person who decides to continue their homosexual activities is shunned, but they are certainly NOT our enemies. We are to encourage and exhort them as our brother or sister in Christ. Not everyone who engages in homosexuality is unsaved. That is a very common misconception... one that I held until very recently. It is kind of like the process of discipline mentioned in Matthew 18. If a BROTHER sins, you go to tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he doesn't hear, then take a couple witnesses. But in all of this is the hope of forgiveness and restoration to the church and to God.

Who is our brother? Will you love them no matter their sins?

What is love?

In the dictionary, love (the verb) has so many definitions. It is to have profound tender, passionate affection; to need or require; to benefit greatly from. All of these apply when speaking about our relationships with others. But, is there a different kind of love when thinking of the marriage relationship?

Obviously, we are all familiar with what Scripture says love is: "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails..." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a).

That description, though, shows that love is not just a feeling. Love is also a choice. Love is there regardless of one's feelings at the moment. Love remains because of a commitment made to one another. It doesn't matter what the reasons were for taking vows. All that truly matters is that the vows were taken before God and must be kept. It doesn't matter if there are disagreements or struggles or confusion about whether or not love exists now. All things can be worked out between two followers of God.

That probably sounds trite and not nearly thought out enough; but I do truly believe it is the truth... not to mention, the right thing to do. God hates broken relationships. And, yes, I am one to talk about unresolved relationships (oh, the irony). As far as depends upon yourself, be at peace with one another. Make a relationship work. If both parties are amenable, reconciliation and love and peace will be restored because both will be working on their side of the relationship.

It sounds like I'm making it out to be so easy or simple. I'm not. This is complicated. There are a lot of things that need to be dealt with. Maybe the marriage took place too quickly and didn't give either of you time to recover from the past; but you belong to each other and are perfect together. It would be wrong to walk away because of struggles and arguments over family issues or confusion about whether or not you love each other. I know you do. Don't give up until you realize it. I do truly believe that God meant you two for each other. You understand and support one another like no one else ever could. You truly do complement each other and that is a gift from God. Don't let your families divide you... you are one in Christ and cannot be separated without severe damage to you both.

Jeremy has admonished me to not take everything to heart and overly burden myself with my friend's problems and concerns. I really am trying not to. The last thing I want to do is push my friend away because of the added stress of my concern. It must be heartwrenching to be dealing with these issues and I only want to be a support and a cause of good counsel.

I really care about you, friend. Don't hesitate to call me if you want to talk.

Which Things are "Loss"?

Yesterday at church, our pastor was teaching on Philippians 3:1-11. Paul refers to his heritage and education within the Judiaistic beliefs system. He was zealous and blameless according to the man-made laws of his day. But when he saw Christ and his heart was changed, he realized everything he thought was good and right was actually not important or counted to his benefit... it was counted as "rubbish" or "dung".

What things in my life did I count on? Before salvation, I counted on my righteous behavior. I wasn't a bad kid. I obeyed my parents without fail. I had a bad attitude many times, but it was well-concealed. I was a good little hypocrite.

After salvation, in my daily life.. I am trying to be a godly wife and mother. I am trying to have a good attitude concerning my responsibilities and duties which are neverending. What am I trying to gain? Is it earthly peace and contentment? Am I trying to save my children (in whatever manner you choose to apply it)?

I have really been struggling with what I have been doing and whether or not it is "enough". Yes, I have an infant and a 2 1/2 year old... but is that really an excuse for not doing/being more? Am I fulfilling my responsibility as a mother in terms of their spiritual growth and knowledge? I have been really lacking in that area and am trying to find a children's Bible that would fit well with our childrens' age... it MUST be accurate and preferably not selective about only telling certain stories. I want the whole Bible for my children to begin learning and understanding who God is and why He is important in their lives.... whether they choose to believe or not.

"...I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (v. 14)

Hunting Tiger Woods by C.J. Mahaney

Tiger Woods wants his privacy back.

He wants the media entourage to disappear from his life.

He wants to be left alone so he can manage his personal problems in private.

Not a chance.

The story began unfolding in the early hours of last Friday when he crashed his Cadillac Escalade into a tree and a fire hydrant near his Florida home. He refused to speak with the police about the incident, raising curiosity about the circumstances. The story has now escalated into allegations of marital infidelity, and that generated a blog post from Tiger that stated, “I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart.” This statement by Tiger has led most to believe that the allegations of infidelity are true.

Hunted by the Media

As expected, the allegations of adultery involving a public figure are attracting a media pile-on. This is a big story with a big audience and it’s a story that will not disappear soon. Tiger Woods is being hunted by the media.

But let us make sure we do not join the hunt. A Christian’s response to this story should be distinctly different. We should not be entertained by the news. We should not have a morbid interest in all the details. We should be saddened and sobered. We should pray for this man and even more for his wife.

And we can be sure that in the coming days we will be in conversations with friends and family where this topic will emerge. And when it does, we can avoid simply listening to the latest details and speculations, and avoid speaking self-righteously, but instead we can humbly draw attention to the grace of God in the gospel.

Hunted by Sin

But Tiger is being hunted by something more menacing than journalists. Tiger’s real enemy is his sin, and that’s an enemy much more difficult to discern and one that can’t be managed in our own strength. It’s an enemy that never sleeps.

Let me explain.

Sin Lies

The Bible in general, and the book of Proverbs in particular, reveals an unbreakable connection between our character, our conduct, and the consequences of our actions. These three are inseparable and woven by God into His created order.

Deception is part of sin’s DNA. Sin lies to us. It seeks to convince us that sin brings only pleasure, that it carries no consequences, and that no one will discover it. Sin works hard to make us forget that character, conduct, and consequences are interconnected. And when we neglect this relationship—when we think our sins will not be discovered—we ultimately mock God.

Sin Hunts

We’ve all experienced it: Sin lies to us. We take the bait. And then sin begins to hunt us.

One commentator on Proverbs articulated this truth like this: “The irony of a life of rebellion is that we begin by pursuing sin…and end up being pursued by it!….You can ‘be sure your sin will find you out’ (Num. 32:23…).”* In other words, sin comes back to hunt us.

In light of this fact, sin is an enemy Tiger can’t manage. He can’t shape this story like he does a long iron on a par 5. Tiger doesn’t need a publicity facelift; Tiger needs a Savior. Just like me. And just like you. And if by God’s grace he repents and trusts in the person and work of Christ, Tiger will experience the fruit of God’s promise that “whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (Proverbs 28:13).

Conclusion

Tiger cannot intimidate this enemy like he can Pebble Beach or any of the field of professional golfers. And there is no privacy he can claim from this enemy, regardless of his resolve, his silence, or the name painted on his yacht. It’s likely Tiger only perceives the press hunting him out of a vain “curiosity about public figures.” But Tiger is being hunted and hounded by a far greater foe: the consequences of his sin.

And this story should humble and sober us. It should make us ask: Are there any so-called “secret sins” in my life? Is there anything I have done that I hope nobody discovers? Is there anything right now in my life that I should confess to God and the appropriate individuals?

And this should leave us more amazed by grace because there, but for the grace of God, go I.

-----------------
*John A. Kitchen, Proverbs (Fearn, Scotland: Mentor, 2006), 294–295.

Borrowed from C.J. Mahaney

Instilling the Fear of the Lord

For all you parents out there, I am sure the discipline of your children has caused many conversations with your spouse and also many hours of study and seeking the Lord on how to best help your children grow and mature in the admonition of the Lord.

Having a child who is 2 1/2 is certainly a new experience for us (this being our firstborn), but with each new age and stage we have encountered various heart attitudes that we have had to deal with and try to be godly as well as instructive to our little sinner.

Jeremiah's latest is lying and also pushing the limits with obedience (yeah, nothing new right? Only the exhibition of it). He is lying about not pooping in his diaper even when he is straining and pushing it right then. The one aspect of his 2 1/2 year old brain that is stretching Jeremy and I, though, is that when we ask him to do something we are training him that he has one time to obey and then comes discipline. But when we ask him to say "Yes, Mama" or "Yes, Daddy" he says it with an attitude and then adds "I did it!" (also with a rebellious attitude). We are constantly having to make him resay or redo whatever it was that we asked him first... but he counters with "I did it!" and we end up arguing over whether or not what he did was acceptable.

Needless to say, this is tiring and irritating for us (the parents) and is also, I'm sure, confusing and a struggle for Jeremiah as well. Some of it, I would guess, is Jeremiah figuring out what is acceptable and what isn't (for instance, if Daddy tells him to stand up while talking to Daddy, Jeremiah will stand on one leg and say "Is this standing?")... but the whole point is to have a respectful child who understands the importance of obeying because God says so... and also more than just saying "You disobeyed Mama and Daddy" it is more important to stress his sin that that he "Disobeyed God."

It is a major ordeal trying to figure out how all this talking and concepts fits into the discipline process. We, ultimately, are not looking for behavior modification (although, good behavior is much desired) but a child who desires to obey God and respects his parents as a result.

Much prayer and much consistency is needed... also encouragement. If any of you experienced parents have suggestions or admonition, I'd love to hear it!

A Testimony

--Some of you, my readers, may think I share a little too much personal information. I do this for a reason. There may be someone out there that can benefit from what I have experienced and I wish to be a help. If my life has been an encouragement or "wise counsel" to someone, then I say "Praise God" and may my life (whether good or bad) continue to be passed around for others to learn from.--


Back in 2006, I became a member of the church Jeremy has attended since he moved here to Wisconsin. This following is my testimony that I shared with the church deacons.

In 1979, I was born to an unwed Jewish girl who gave me up for adoption. God chose to place me in a family that ended up adopting three children and brought them up in a Christian church. I learned about God and His Son, Jesus, when I was a child and even then, I desired to go to heaven. So I prayed that God would let Jesus live in my heart and help me to be good. I prayed that prayer every night.

As a child, I do not recall my parents ever talking to me about becoming a Christian or the need to be saved from sin... but somehow I still knew it was necessary. When I was almost 13, I heard a sermon about what Jesus went through before His death: the beatings and torture... and I realized that I had to personally surrender my life over to God rather than depend upon the fact that I got in less trouble than my brothers. That night, I confessed that I understood that all my sins, however minor, had caused Jesus the pain He suffered and asked Him to forgive me. However, after that night is where my story really begins.

I was trying to live my life in honor of the Lord, but my older brother was not. He got involved with some not-so-good friends at school and was upset with me for not following his example as I had always done before. My mother knew I had gotten saved and told me that because my brother and I were now on two separate paths, I should have nothing to do with him. On my mother's counsel, I did not spend time with or even speak to my brother for 11 years even though much of that time we lived in the same house.

A few years later, my brother professed faith in Christ, and still I had nothing to do with him because, according to my mother, he wasn't genuine or else he would have asked forgiveness for each specific sin he had committed against our family. Several more years after that, he moved out of my parent's home and never gave a forwarding address or phone number. We only heard about him through other people who had seen him and we continued to harshly judge him. He moved to Pennsylvania to be near the woman he ended up marrying and during that time wrote a letter of apology which he sent to each member of our family... and we judged him still more because he, again, did not name specifics and he only wrote the letter because it was a homework assignment from the pastor from whom he was receiving pre-marital counseling. According to my mother, he is still unsaved today.

From the time I repented and asked God to save me, I would periodically have severe doubts about my salvation which stemmed from observing the treatment my brother received after he got saved at 16. Any time I struggled with a particular sin, I was wracked with guilt and would secretly pray that God would save me again... and again... and again.

During my college years, my mom made constant critiques and shared doubts she had about my salvation. It wasn't until I graduated from college and was in my career job that these problems came at me full force. My parents chose who my first boyfriend would be. I was 22 and he had expressed interest to my parents and they approved... all done without my knowledge. So, out of the blue, some man with whom I was barely an acquaintance was all of a sudden my boyfriend and I had no say in the matter. This man ended up treating me badly for eight months before he, thankfully, decided I wasn't in God's will for his life.

During that relationship, I was depressed much of the time and my mother took the opportunity to take me aside and confront me on my lack of peace and trust in the Lord about it. She said this lack of faith caused her to have serious doubts about my salvation and that I should examine my heart to see if my faith was genuine. I cried and begged God to give me peace about my salvation or to save me if I was not saved. Looking back, I am amazed at how many times I prayed this desperate prayers of assurance or pleas for salvation.

After moving out of my parent's home at 22, I lived with some girls for a few months and then got an apartment by myself. That is when I started receiving letters from my mother about how she was so grieved that all three of her children were unsaved. During this time, I spent every evening with my married friend (who is a pastor's wife) and I still attended my parent's church. My mother saw me every Sunday. Her knowledge of how I lived my life did not mean anything... she was convinced about my spiritual condition and I could neither do nor say anything to change her mind. I spoke with her repeatedly explaining how I knew I was saved. "For whosoever calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." I even tried writing her letters, but to no avail.

After a couple of years, I caved into her words. I had received yet another letter harshly stating that I was damned to hell and that I was a foolish young woman; though she never did tell me what it was I had done wrong. I did not throw her letter away, but left it on the floor as a reminder and it plagued me. How could my own mother not see that I strive to live my life in honor and glory of the Lord? If she can't see it, I must be deceived in myself. Because parents try and want to believe the best about their children, don't they?

I opened my Bible and again fervently studied all the verses that explained the characteristics of a Christian--such as having love for God, repenting from sin, selfless love, spiritual growth and obedient living--to see how I matched up. It was so confusing because with my studies, I found no reason to say I wasn't saved... NONE. Certainly I wasn't perfect, but that wasn't a requirement. Despite the fact that the Holy Spirit and Scripture had proven I was saved, I refused to believe it because my mother didn't and wouldn't believe it.

As a result of so many destructive words, I became firmly convinced that I was not a Christian and never had been. I became depressed and hopeless about my condition. I knew what it meant to be a Christian and what people need to do in order to be saved. I remembered how I repeatedly cried out to God to forgive me and begged Him to save me.

If I knew all the answers and had done everything He required of me to be saved and He still wouldn't save me, I was lost. There was no hope. I wrote a letter of confession to my parents and to others that had been involved in my life, stating that even though I had made a profession of faith at 13 and even been baptized... it was all fake. I had deceived them all and I no longer wanted anything to do with Christianity. I announced my plan to move away so that children with whom I had an influence over in the past would not look at me and be led astray because of my bad example. I did not want them to end up like me... so I fled from everything.

The day I gave out that letter, my parents insisted I come over to their house to talk. When my mother opened the door, she gave me a hug (which rarely happened in my family) and her first words were, "I've known for a long time. I'm so glad God finally showed you the truth." That afternoon was spent with my parents calmly telling me all the consequences I would face as a pagan who lived an openly sinful life and proceeded to witness to me and tell me how to be saved. That day was the first time I ever remember hearing the words I had been longing to hear my whole life... "We are so proud of you..." Granted, with all these confusing words, this was the first time I could relax in front of my parents and not worry that every action or word was judged because they weren't about to make the mistake of expecting a pagan to act like a Christian.

So for the next several months and following, I completely gave up on God and lived my life as a pagan, not caring about consequences or how it would affect my life later on. As far as I was concerned, my life was over anyway and I wondered why I even bothered prolonging it. It would have been better to die because there was no way I could be saved with the knowledge I already had, since God had rejected me. At some point during these months, I called my brother and asked him why he left our family and never contacted us. He proceeded to tell me a very similar story to my own. We are now reconciled and are back in communication.

After moving to Kansas City, MO... I found a church where the people showed me what unconditional love was for the first time. They accepted me just as I was and recognized me for the crushed person I had become as a result of all these events. After talking with the pastor, he helped me realize that God hadn't abandoned me at all... and He most certainly hadn't rejected me. God has forgiven me of everything I did while I lived apart from Him. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." These life events I have shared with you are the reason I can sit solidly on my faith without wavering in doubt from anything... despite what anyone thinks of me.

Chapter 7 - Laziness and Hard Labor

Boys tend to be lazy. One of the central duties parents have with regard to their boys is the duty of teaching and instilling work ethic. "He that gathers in summer is a wise son: but he that sleeps in harvest is a son that causes shame" (Proverbs 10:5).

Work is not a result of the fall of Adam, but work goes the difficult way it does because of the fall. We were created for work. But when sin entered, Go saw that thorns and thistles were needed. In His grace, God cursed the ground. This is why boys need to be taught and disciplined in physical labor. Hard physical work is an important part of a boy's discipleship. He needs to know what it is like to be exhausted, to have callouses on his hands, and to work when his body does not really want to anymore. He needs this; God said so. He is a son of Adam.

A boy who learns to settle into his laziness is being prepared by his parents for a life of frustration. "The soul of the sluggard desires, and has nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat" (Proverbs 13:4). The fourth commandement has two parts which depend upon one another. One part, of course, is the day of rest, but the other part is the six days of labor. Without the labor, the rest is nonsensical. Without the rest, the work is slavery. Learned together, a boy comes to comprehend the dignity of labor that is offered up to God in the name of Christ.

<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>

Chapter 6 - Secret Sin, Tolerated Sin

"But if you do not do so, then take note, you have sinned against the Lord; and be sure your sin will find you out." Numbers 32:23

Boys need to grow up knowing that sin cannot ever be truly covered up. One of our regular prayers should be that God would give us (parents) any information we need to know in order to be good parents.

If young men begin to nurture secret sin in their lives, then they have forgotten (or perhaps have never been taught) certain basic truths from God's Word. "And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account." (Hebrews 4:13)

Secret sin is only temporarily secret. God is not mocked, and a man reaps what he sows. Reaping is typically a very public matter. And God has promised to publicize things we would rather keep secret. As we know from King David in 2 Samuel 11, sin breeds sin and hidden sin breeds more hidden sin. But as sin accumulates, it becomes impossible for the sinner to "manage".

Individuals who hide their sin are often guilty of another sin as well -- the sin of individualism. They believe that what they do affects only them. This is false.

But, through all this, God is merciful. He will forgive young men who have been discovered in the grip of secret sin. The only solution to this is to want God's mercy so much that you are willing to do exactly what He says when you apply to Him for it. And that means full and honest confession. This does not mean that everything is automatically fixed through an act of "mental obedience" alone, but it does begin there.

<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>

Chapter 2 - Effeminacy and Biblical Masculinity

As we are living in a feminist and effeminate culture, most people are uneasy with true masculinity and are ignorant about how it should look. There are two directions a boy can take apart from biblical masculinity: effeminacy and macho-like counterfeit masculinity.

In taking the effeminate role, he is taking a set of virtues which are not supposed to be his. With the macho-like counterfeit masculinity, he is adopting a set of pseudo-virtues, practices which are not virtues at all.

Boys should not, as a rule, play with dolls... and those who do have a problem. Most boys naturally see effeminacy as "yuck". Instruction and correction is necessary since boys do not how to make the distinction between that which should be mocked in themselves and that which must be honored in the girls.

Rolling around in the dirt is not the only way to show masculinity... as we've already seen, boys should be studying to become wise, studying to be a sage when he is old. That is not the same thing as wearing a frilly apron. Men can work indoors helping and leading with many domestic duties, though their focus will be different.

Fathers who are domineering will browbeat their sons into a pattern of cowering submission which is effeminate and then wonder why their sons do not follow their example. The reason is that their father would not permit it. He was not training his son; he was sitting on him.

On the other side of unbiblical masculinity is the counterfeit masculinity. This is a problem which occurs when people "glory" in masculinity. This type of masculinity excels at making excuses. It is a matter of pride rather than humble acceptance of responsibility.

One thing that threatens pride is any kind of failure, and the way insecure males deal with this is through making excuses. True masculinity accepts responsibility, period. Boys don't just do this naturally, they also learn it from their parents. Children (especially as seen in sports) don't have to stand up for themselves and their mistakes, their parents are often modeling these behaviors when "explaining" why the coach was wrong in his decision about their son. Boys must learn to say that they were wrong when they were wrong, and that they were responsible when they were responsible.

<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>

Chapter 1 - The Shape of Masculinity

You've heard the adage, "Boys will be boys," so obviously there is the aspect of masculinity that is very different from our girls. The first thing to know is "what is masculinity?" and "what are we looking for when we describe manhood according to the Bible?"

First, our boys will be "lords". We know from Genesis 1: 26-28 that man was created to exercise dominion in the earth. Sin has certainly affected our ability to fulfill this command from God, but it did not remove the obligation placed on us by the command.

Another aspect of this command is seen in the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20): disciple the nations and bring them to true submission to Christ. Boys want to conquer and subdue. The point of discipline with boys is to channel and direct their energy into an obedient response to the cultural mandate. It is not to squash that energy, destroying it or making it sullen. Boys, therefore, should be in training to become men who exercise dominion, they should be learning to be lords in the earth, and learning how to be adventurous and visionary.

Second, our boys will be "husbandmen." Man was created to make our world flourish. The dominion mandate, taken in isolation, could result in men trying to build a culture based on piracy. This second aspect means that men are created to conquer and subdue, and after that, to settle down. In Genesis 2:15, "God took man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it." Man doesn't just build, he must tend and oversee.

A rich farmer was once rebuked for having his sons work in the fields when they didn't have to. His reply to that was that he wasn't raising corn, he was raising boys. Boys, therefore, should be learning to be patient, careful, and hardworking.

Third, our boys will be "saviors". Men have a deep desire to deliver or save. The great example of a savior is, of course, Jesus Christ. His deliverance from the serpent (dragon) was promised to His people in the early chapters of Genesis. God promised a curse on the serpent, and in that curse we see the salvation of the world.

Men who follow Jesus Christ, the "dragon-slayer", must themselves become lesser dragon-slayers. This is why it is absolutely essential for boys to play with wooden swords and plastic guns. Boys have a deep need to have something to defend, something to represent in battle. The Christian faith is not pacifistic. The peace that will be ushered in by our Prince will be a peace purchased with blood. As Christ sacrificed Himself in this war, so must His followers learn to do. Boys must learn that they are growing up to fight in a great war, and they must consequently learn, as boys, to be strong, sacrificial, courageous, and good.

Fourth, our boys will be "sages". The sage is a man who is great in wisdom, and wisdom in Scripture is personified as a great lady. Sons are constantly exhorted to listen to her. Looking at Proverbs 1-9, we see that wisdom is a woman who disciplines boys. If he heeds wisdom in her role as the strict school-mistress, he grows up to a certain measure of wisdom.

We must, therefore, teach our boys the masculinity of study, of learning, of books, of intellectual discussion. Too often, boys drift into a situation where they pit one aspect of masculinity against another. For instance, a boy who loves the outdoors can too readily dismiss software programming as effeminate, or even worse, come to look down on poetry.

Intellectual discipline, or, as Peter put it, girding up the loins of the mind, is an important part of growing to manhood. Boys must learn to be teachable, studious, and thoughtful.

Finally, our boys will be "glory-bearers". This last aspect of masculinity is seen in the fact that men are the glory of God. "For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man" (1 Corinthians 11:3).

Boys must be instructed on how to grow up into glory and how to fulfill their responsibility to be representative, responsible, and holy.

In summary, we should want our boys to be aggressive and adventurous. They are learning to be lords of the earth. We should want them to be patient and hardworking. They are learning husbandry. We should want them to hate evil and to have a deep desire to fight it. They are learning what a weapon feels like in their hands. We should want boys to be eager to learn from the wise. They are learning to become wise themselves. We should want them to stand before God, in the worship of God, with head uncovered. They are the image and glory of God.

<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>

"Future Men" - Introduction

I heard about this book from my friend, Ivana, who is about to have her third boy and I thought that it would be an excellent book for myself as well since I am going to have my second boy soon. We'll just start from the beginning and hopefully I'll be able to clearly explain what I've learned in each section and maybe even be a help to someone else who has "future men".

The introduction to the book essentially tells parents that they must have faith about our boys. Despite how they look now, they are our future lawyers, airline pilots, pastors, etc. Unbelief is always anchored to the present, while faith looks at that which is unseen. We, as parents, must have the "faith of a farmer, or a sculptor, or anyone else engaged in the work of shaping unfolding possibilities." A parent of faith looks at the present and sees what it will become-- through grace and good works.

Boys don't often think about the consequences before they leap into something, but it is our job to see the best and the virtues displayed in each of those "unwise acts" in order to make something good out of it. Unbelief sees the lack of wisdom that created a situation that could have been easily avoided; faith sees an immature masculinity that is starting to assume the burden of manhood. Unbelief squashes; faith teaches. It is important to take your boys aside and tell him that part of what he did was good, while that other part of what he did got in the way, "And this is how to do it better next time."

Faith is central in bringing up boys, but it is important to remember that the object of faith is not the boy. It is faith in God, faith in His promises, faith in His wisdom. Faith concerns the boy, and the boy can see that it concerns him. Parents are to believe God for their sons, which is a very different thing than believing their sons.

God is the one who places a specific boy in a particular home. And He does so in order that those parents who believe and obey Him might come to delight in a wise son, a son who is like Jesus Christ. "My son, if your heart is wise, my heart will rejoice—indeed, I myself; Yes, my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak right things..." (Proverbs 23:15-16).

<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>

Forgiveness Don't Take a Thang

I have been pondering forgiveness the last several weeks. For those of you who don't know my family, my thoughts may seem a bit odd. But please hang in there... I am planning on filling in the details of my past in future posts.

Because of the situation with my parents, my thoughts have run the gamut of how I should respond from completely cutting them off from myself and my family (not that there is any relationship to cut off, you understand) to keeping things status quo and allowing them to stay abreast of my family activities through periodical updates and pictures that I choose to send them and cards for various holidays and special days. It has been a chore to figure out how to continue to "forgive" them when they don't even recognize that they have done so many things to offend and deliberately hurt me.

Should I expect an apology or some kind of recognition for the pain they have caused before I extend my forgiveness?

As a child, I was taught the proper formula for apologizing. This was not an option. This formula was mandated if we were to be forgiven. "Sorry" or "I'm sorry" was not good enough. We had to say "I am sorry FOR... [spell out the offense]." But it didn't stop there.... at the end of our detailed apology we had to ask "Will you please forgive me?" Verbatim. If we didn't go through each of those steps, it was not good enough.

Since this was drummed into my head, it crossed over into so many areas of my life as I have been able to see myself as an adult and how I respond to others. It affects my relationship with God and how I confess my sin, how I respond to my husband when he offends me, and especially now, how I am trying to deal with the situation with my parents.

For me, God was always a hard-nosed, unforgiving God... it was impossible to please Him. He was never satisfied and would never forgive or love me because I just couldn't live up to His standards and perform up to His expectations. I'll get into that story in a later post.

In my marriage, Jeremy and I don't usually have fights or disagreements anymore (at least not the violent kind); but when we have one of our rare spats and he's in the wrong (because he usually is), I can't move on until I hear the words "I'm sorry" proceed from his mouth. I am not someone who likes to drag things out and just hang onto the problem for days on end while we "work through the issues". I have to resolve it quickly because it plagues my heart and my mind.. but Jeremy has always been one to dismiss it and try to ignore it for as long as possible and "Just let it go, babe". But I can't. I HAVE to hear him say he's sorry.. it has to be those specific words. Otherwise, I can't believe that he actually means it or that he respects me or whatever it is my emotions are telling me at that specific time.

And now, with my parents, I am at a loss. I spoke with a good friend of mine who has been counseling me since I moved away from California to escape my parents and she reminded me of some things last night.

All of us know 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails..."

This kind of forgiveness and love I can certainly work on fostering with my husband... because I DO love him. He is a good man. An imperfect man, absolutely... but still a good man who loves me and doesn't deliberately try to upset me or offend me.

Regarding my parents, I am provoked by them. I don't believe the best about them... and I am certainly tired of enduring all things from them. How does this apply to my situation?

Proverbs 10:12 "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins."

Again... love. As much as I do not want to admit it, I do love my parents. I have hated my parents... I have hated what they have done to me. I have hated how they have treated me and persisted in trying to force me to "repent" of things that I haven't done or "recant" things that are true. How do I know I love them? It still hurts. I cry over it. I ache over the loss. If it didn't hurt, I would be free of love. My love can cover their stupidity despite the fact that they haven't asked for forgiveness. I should just do it.

That doesn't mean that I have to continue to open myself up for attack. Based on this last interaction with my parents, I may not continue to send updates. I haven't decided, yet; but the possibility is there that continuing contact may not be the correct course at this time. That doesn't mean that "no contact" means forever... but at least for this next step, it may be proper. I am still praying that God will give me peace about whatever decision He wants me to make concerning this situation. But one thing I do know for certain... I CAN FORGIVE. Can you?