Happy Pills

Quite a bit has happened in the last month. Aside from starting my weight loss goals and working out, I have also been to the doctor to discuss my postpartum depression.

First things first. Since starting my workouts and diet plan, I have lost a total of 12 pounds. I took a brief hiatus from working out because I was feeling rather ugh-y from two periods in three weeks... the joys of re-entering the non-pregnant state. I am going to start my workout regimen again next week... the Biggest Loser workout tapes are on request from the library.

The next most important thing that happened was that I was diagnosed with postpartum and was prescribed some "happy pills". I am no longer the "Mother from H---" and the boys are very happy about that. Honestly, though, it was very apparent to me that I was not reacting the same way I usually do and couldn't seem to enjoy anything about my life. That is not normal for me. Now, I feel like I am myself again and am not overwhelmed or having a breakdown when I have to leave the house. I am enjoying my children again.

Jeremiah is going to be turning three this June. We are planning a school curriculum for him and it will consist of (most likely) four subjects: music, Bible, reading and math. I have already begun his Bible teaching. We have a "Bible book" that I read to him during his breakfast time and we are learning one verse a week. He has learned Genesis 1:1 and is currently learning Genesis 1:27... he has been asking to "learn another one" which shows me that he is enjoying his education and is ready for more.

Well, that is my family update for now.

Jeremiah grabbed the home phone from me and was pushing buttons (which he knows is not allowed) and when I asked him about it he said, "I'm talking to someone... CHILL!"

Gotta deal with that boy!

Which Things are "Loss"?

Yesterday at church, our pastor was teaching on Philippians 3:1-11. Paul refers to his heritage and education within the Judiaistic beliefs system. He was zealous and blameless according to the man-made laws of his day. But when he saw Christ and his heart was changed, he realized everything he thought was good and right was actually not important or counted to his benefit... it was counted as "rubbish" or "dung".

What things in my life did I count on? Before salvation, I counted on my righteous behavior. I wasn't a bad kid. I obeyed my parents without fail. I had a bad attitude many times, but it was well-concealed. I was a good little hypocrite.

After salvation, in my daily life.. I am trying to be a godly wife and mother. I am trying to have a good attitude concerning my responsibilities and duties which are neverending. What am I trying to gain? Is it earthly peace and contentment? Am I trying to save my children (in whatever manner you choose to apply it)?

I have really been struggling with what I have been doing and whether or not it is "enough". Yes, I have an infant and a 2 1/2 year old... but is that really an excuse for not doing/being more? Am I fulfilling my responsibility as a mother in terms of their spiritual growth and knowledge? I have been really lacking in that area and am trying to find a children's Bible that would fit well with our childrens' age... it MUST be accurate and preferably not selective about only telling certain stories. I want the whole Bible for my children to begin learning and understanding who God is and why He is important in their lives.... whether they choose to believe or not.

"...I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (v. 14)

A New Chapter

This last weekend has been quite momentous for several different reasons. First, Jeremy got sick. That is "momentous" because Jeremy NEVER gets sick. He had a fever for two days and then got something akin to food poisoning on Saturday and even skipped work on Monday in order to fully recover.

Second, we had a date! I'm sure that's momentous for obvious reasons. We had a really nice time. Jeremiah had a "date" with Miss Lori from the church and it was Jonah-free. He needs a break just as much as we do. So, during our date, we went shopping for food and for underwear (trust me, you'll see the link soon), had lunch at Olive Garden and then went home to decorate our tree and surprise Jeremiah with it when he came home. All in all, a great day!

Third, our little boy started being potty-trained. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Jeremiah is now going potty on the toilet... some of the time. The underwear was for him (just in case you needed help with creating that link I talked about earlier). We started on Sunday and it was a terrible beginning. We found out that our son has no problem being nasty and dirty... he'll be dripping down his pants and when I ask "Are you wet?" he'll perkily say, "Nope!" And that obviously brings up other issues, such as lying and deceit. Several times, we'd find a trail of pee on the carpet... it definitely wasn't from the dogs as they were trying to track the scent. It would inevitably lead to an oblivious and ambivalent Jeremiah. He did go on the toilet twice on Sunday... but Monday was a much better training day.

We had Kindermusik in the morning like we normally do on Mondays... but since we had Daddy home, we decided to make a special stop at McDonald's to play on the slides and get ice cream. While we were there, I decided it was time for Jeremiah to try, try again. They have child-sized toilets in the play area bathroom, so while Jeremiah was "trying" I left briefly to get another pull-up (since he had gotten the other one dirty). When I came back, Jeremiah was hunched over himself looking at his "Peepee" marveling over the little drop that seemed to be hanging on with all its might.

As mothers ought, I got very excited and clapped my hands and said "Let it go in the potty!" Jeremiah tried to help it into the toilet by touching it, but I said "Noooo! Just let it drop in." So, he started furiously blowing on it to try and help get in the toilet faster. He had three more drips and ran outside to tell Daddy about his "drops in the potty."

We've had two days with successes in both of them. Jeremiah went potty three times on Monday and even told me (belatedly) when he had to go, so at least he's getting the idea and progressing positively.

This morning, he already woke up with a wet pull-up, but we'll just keep trying. He sat on the toilet for 5 minutes with no complaining.

I've realized that potty-time is a great time to just listen to my son talk about whatever he wants. Jonah has been a real distraction to all of us and now that we are working on a "no diaper" goal with Jeremiah, it is in my schedule to just sit down with him for 5 minutes while he is on the toilet. Don't get me wrong, I was spending time with Jeremiah before, but Jonah was still there. Jeremiah has been including Jonah in as many activities as he can. I think, though, that Jeremiah needs to know that it is okay to just be with Mama by himself. Since Jonah doesn't go in the bathroom with us, it has become part of our time together and Jeremiah is seeing that I don't always put Jonah first. Just as Jeremiah sometimes needs to wait for what he wants, so does his little brother. It's good practice for me to make good decisions on what my priority should be at any given moment. I'm sure this is part of what God is trying to teach me during this parenting time of life.

Instilling the Fear of the Lord

For all you parents out there, I am sure the discipline of your children has caused many conversations with your spouse and also many hours of study and seeking the Lord on how to best help your children grow and mature in the admonition of the Lord.

Having a child who is 2 1/2 is certainly a new experience for us (this being our firstborn), but with each new age and stage we have encountered various heart attitudes that we have had to deal with and try to be godly as well as instructive to our little sinner.

Jeremiah's latest is lying and also pushing the limits with obedience (yeah, nothing new right? Only the exhibition of it). He is lying about not pooping in his diaper even when he is straining and pushing it right then. The one aspect of his 2 1/2 year old brain that is stretching Jeremy and I, though, is that when we ask him to do something we are training him that he has one time to obey and then comes discipline. But when we ask him to say "Yes, Mama" or "Yes, Daddy" he says it with an attitude and then adds "I did it!" (also with a rebellious attitude). We are constantly having to make him resay or redo whatever it was that we asked him first... but he counters with "I did it!" and we end up arguing over whether or not what he did was acceptable.

Needless to say, this is tiring and irritating for us (the parents) and is also, I'm sure, confusing and a struggle for Jeremiah as well. Some of it, I would guess, is Jeremiah figuring out what is acceptable and what isn't (for instance, if Daddy tells him to stand up while talking to Daddy, Jeremiah will stand on one leg and say "Is this standing?")... but the whole point is to have a respectful child who understands the importance of obeying because God says so... and also more than just saying "You disobeyed Mama and Daddy" it is more important to stress his sin that that he "Disobeyed God."

It is a major ordeal trying to figure out how all this talking and concepts fits into the discipline process. We, ultimately, are not looking for behavior modification (although, good behavior is much desired) but a child who desires to obey God and respects his parents as a result.

Much prayer and much consistency is needed... also encouragement. If any of you experienced parents have suggestions or admonition, I'd love to hear it!

Chapter 10 - Mom and Sisters

This chapter really opened my eyes to the importance of how a mother relates to her sons. In case you haven't noticed, boys and girls are different. A mother needs to have a close association with her husband while raising boys. My husband is responsible to help me understand my sons... and it is also his responsibility to teach my sons about their future wives through teaching them to honor me, their mother, now.

There are certain principles that a mother needs to know about her sons.

First, a mother needs to blend respect and toughness. Mothers with a critical or harsh spirit can certainly be hard on their sons, but it is a demeaning and emasculating hardness. And at the other end of the spectrum, mothers can be respectful of their sons in such a way that they never require anything of them. This kind of respect deterioriates into a mollycoddling mess. But a mother who approaches her son with wisdom is one who respects and consequently expects. When a wise mother sees insecurity in her son, the response should not be scorn, it should not be sympathy. The right response is respect. Boys can rise to respect, when they might crater under harsh pressure or puff up in response to excessive praise.

Second, a mother needs to see small boys as future men. The way boys learn to deal with their various immature "passions" will generally be the way they deal with adult passions. A boy who is not obviously learning self-control with regard to temper, his stomach, his video games, or his school work is a boy who will still lack self-control when sexual temptation arrives. Many times mothers unwittingly train boys to mistreat their future wives through sinful indulgence of boyish passions. It is important to distinguish between the godly service a mother is supposed to supply the household (like cooking the meals) and an ungodly catering that will help destroy her son (like cooking a second breakfast when her son gets up hours after everyone else, and for no good reason).

Third, a mother needs to learn that when a godly father is disciplining a boy, he is doing so while remembering. He used to think the way his son thinks; he used to receive what his son is now receiving; he used to connive the way his son is conniving. A mother can and should discipline her son, but she cannot do it while remembering. She therefore needs her husband's perspective in order to aim the way she ought. For her to have his perspective, he must talk about it with her, an dnot just assume that everyone in the world has the same memories and experiences he has.

Fourth, a mother needs to realize that when she gets exasperated or annoyed with her sons, she is helping them learn how to control or manipulate her. It usually goes like this: A son doesn't do what he was asked to do seven or eight times. Mom finally gets steamed and flares up over it. Mom has more of a tender conscience about her annoyance than the son does about his disobedience. She consequently apologizes and he magnanimously forgives her. The solution is for Mom to cheerfully require obedience from her sons long before annoyance is even a possibility.

And fifth, a mother needs to know that God has given her to her sons, and her sons to her, and that when the gift is received with wisdom, the blessings are tremendous and flow in both directions. But if the relation is foolishly embraced, the book of Proverbs poignantly prophecies a coming maternal grief.

Transitioning to another important aspect of raising boys is understanding that there is a type of toughness in discipline which must be built. Discipline is not limited to responses to disobedience and sin; discipline also includes patient instruction when a child encounters some of life's ordinary difficulties.

Instilling toughness in boys is very important. A masculine toughness is the only foundation upon which a masculine tenderness may be safely placed. Without a concrete foundation, thoughtfulness, consideration, and sensitivity in men is just simply gross. So mothers must take particular care against allowing some of their feminine strengths to be the occasion of stumbling for their sons.

First, a mother should talk regularly with her husband about her sons and her relationship to them. Any number of things may be happening which she does not see and concerning which her husband's advice would be invaluable.

Second, a mother must have the respect and obedience of her sons. The older and bigger they get, the more obedient they should be. A son who is a foot and a half taller than his mother should hear her with respect. Of course she should be careful not to issue needless requirements, but when she requires something, it must be cheerfully done. If it is not, then she should immediately involve her husband. The central issue is not the thing to be done, but rather teaching the son to honor his mother and to respect women generally.

Third, a mother must never subsidize her sons' laziness. Masculine inertia is difficult for anyone to deal with, and the aversion which many boys have to academic rigor is renowned. But educational laziness is the mother of poverty and sloth. The word that should characterize the academic activity of the home is industry. Boys can usually work much harder than they say they can. In all this, under the father's supervision, the mother can equip her sons to rise up and call her blessed.

Another aspect of this is the task of teaching sons how to treat their mothers, and this means instruction in manners. Boys have a need to be respected, but sometimes this need can be communicated in some strange ways. And because boys can gravitate toward such strange forms of communicating their boyhood, they may come to think that manners are for sissies. A well-mannered boy is not a boy who acts like his sister.

Manners for boys should be a means of disciplining and directing strength, and not a means of denying it. This means that boys need to be taught that manners are a means of showing and receiving honor. Honor is a concept which boys instinctively understand and love, but they still have to be taught to direct it with wisdom. Honor, in its turn, cannot be understood apart from authority and obedience.

Boys thrive under authority and are not threatened by it. At the same time, the authority must be of the kind which understands masculinity and nurtures it by hammering it. One of the "hammers" should be a short course in manners.

Boys should not be allowed to think that manners are something which women impose on men. Rather, they should see manners as something which men teach boys to do, for the sake of honoring and protecting women, and for the sake of living graciously with them.

A priority should be placed on those manners and customs which place a distinction between men and women. For instance, men seat women at the dinner table, open and hold doors, stand when a woman enters the room, walk on the sidewalk between a woman and the traffic, etc.

The next class of manners would focus on disciplining a young man to think of the comfort and possessions of others - not tipping back in chairs, not putting feet on the coffee table, and not bouncing the basketball next to the china cabinet.

A third category would be in the realm of personal presentation: not dressing like a slob, not scarfing food, not wearing a baseball cap indoors, etc. In this section, a boy is being taught to present himself as trustworthy in all the categories.

All these manners are a way of showing honor to others in areas which are not of cosmic importance. At the same time, because they are acts of love, even though they are live in trifles, God considers them important.

<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>

Chapter 7 - Laziness and Hard Labor

Boys tend to be lazy. One of the central duties parents have with regard to their boys is the duty of teaching and instilling work ethic. "He that gathers in summer is a wise son: but he that sleeps in harvest is a son that causes shame" (Proverbs 10:5).

Work is not a result of the fall of Adam, but work goes the difficult way it does because of the fall. We were created for work. But when sin entered, Go saw that thorns and thistles were needed. In His grace, God cursed the ground. This is why boys need to be taught and disciplined in physical labor. Hard physical work is an important part of a boy's discipleship. He needs to know what it is like to be exhausted, to have callouses on his hands, and to work when his body does not really want to anymore. He needs this; God said so. He is a son of Adam.

A boy who learns to settle into his laziness is being prepared by his parents for a life of frustration. "The soul of the sluggard desires, and has nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat" (Proverbs 13:4). The fourth commandement has two parts which depend upon one another. One part, of course, is the day of rest, but the other part is the six days of labor. Without the labor, the rest is nonsensical. Without the rest, the work is slavery. Learned together, a boy comes to comprehend the dignity of labor that is offered up to God in the name of Christ.

<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>

Chapter 6 - Secret Sin, Tolerated Sin

"But if you do not do so, then take note, you have sinned against the Lord; and be sure your sin will find you out." Numbers 32:23

Boys need to grow up knowing that sin cannot ever be truly covered up. One of our regular prayers should be that God would give us (parents) any information we need to know in order to be good parents.

If young men begin to nurture secret sin in their lives, then they have forgotten (or perhaps have never been taught) certain basic truths from God's Word. "And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account." (Hebrews 4:13)

Secret sin is only temporarily secret. God is not mocked, and a man reaps what he sows. Reaping is typically a very public matter. And God has promised to publicize things we would rather keep secret. As we know from King David in 2 Samuel 11, sin breeds sin and hidden sin breeds more hidden sin. But as sin accumulates, it becomes impossible for the sinner to "manage".

Individuals who hide their sin are often guilty of another sin as well -- the sin of individualism. They believe that what they do affects only them. This is false.

But, through all this, God is merciful. He will forgive young men who have been discovered in the grip of secret sin. The only solution to this is to want God's mercy so much that you are willing to do exactly what He says when you apply to Him for it. And that means full and honest confession. This does not mean that everything is automatically fixed through an act of "mental obedience" alone, but it does begin there.

<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>

Chapter 2 - Effeminacy and Biblical Masculinity

As we are living in a feminist and effeminate culture, most people are uneasy with true masculinity and are ignorant about how it should look. There are two directions a boy can take apart from biblical masculinity: effeminacy and macho-like counterfeit masculinity.

In taking the effeminate role, he is taking a set of virtues which are not supposed to be his. With the macho-like counterfeit masculinity, he is adopting a set of pseudo-virtues, practices which are not virtues at all.

Boys should not, as a rule, play with dolls... and those who do have a problem. Most boys naturally see effeminacy as "yuck". Instruction and correction is necessary since boys do not how to make the distinction between that which should be mocked in themselves and that which must be honored in the girls.

Rolling around in the dirt is not the only way to show masculinity... as we've already seen, boys should be studying to become wise, studying to be a sage when he is old. That is not the same thing as wearing a frilly apron. Men can work indoors helping and leading with many domestic duties, though their focus will be different.

Fathers who are domineering will browbeat their sons into a pattern of cowering submission which is effeminate and then wonder why their sons do not follow their example. The reason is that their father would not permit it. He was not training his son; he was sitting on him.

On the other side of unbiblical masculinity is the counterfeit masculinity. This is a problem which occurs when people "glory" in masculinity. This type of masculinity excels at making excuses. It is a matter of pride rather than humble acceptance of responsibility.

One thing that threatens pride is any kind of failure, and the way insecure males deal with this is through making excuses. True masculinity accepts responsibility, period. Boys don't just do this naturally, they also learn it from their parents. Children (especially as seen in sports) don't have to stand up for themselves and their mistakes, their parents are often modeling these behaviors when "explaining" why the coach was wrong in his decision about their son. Boys must learn to say that they were wrong when they were wrong, and that they were responsible when they were responsible.

<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>

Chapter 1 - The Shape of Masculinity

You've heard the adage, "Boys will be boys," so obviously there is the aspect of masculinity that is very different from our girls. The first thing to know is "what is masculinity?" and "what are we looking for when we describe manhood according to the Bible?"

First, our boys will be "lords". We know from Genesis 1: 26-28 that man was created to exercise dominion in the earth. Sin has certainly affected our ability to fulfill this command from God, but it did not remove the obligation placed on us by the command.

Another aspect of this command is seen in the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20): disciple the nations and bring them to true submission to Christ. Boys want to conquer and subdue. The point of discipline with boys is to channel and direct their energy into an obedient response to the cultural mandate. It is not to squash that energy, destroying it or making it sullen. Boys, therefore, should be in training to become men who exercise dominion, they should be learning to be lords in the earth, and learning how to be adventurous and visionary.

Second, our boys will be "husbandmen." Man was created to make our world flourish. The dominion mandate, taken in isolation, could result in men trying to build a culture based on piracy. This second aspect means that men are created to conquer and subdue, and after that, to settle down. In Genesis 2:15, "God took man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it." Man doesn't just build, he must tend and oversee.

A rich farmer was once rebuked for having his sons work in the fields when they didn't have to. His reply to that was that he wasn't raising corn, he was raising boys. Boys, therefore, should be learning to be patient, careful, and hardworking.

Third, our boys will be "saviors". Men have a deep desire to deliver or save. The great example of a savior is, of course, Jesus Christ. His deliverance from the serpent (dragon) was promised to His people in the early chapters of Genesis. God promised a curse on the serpent, and in that curse we see the salvation of the world.

Men who follow Jesus Christ, the "dragon-slayer", must themselves become lesser dragon-slayers. This is why it is absolutely essential for boys to play with wooden swords and plastic guns. Boys have a deep need to have something to defend, something to represent in battle. The Christian faith is not pacifistic. The peace that will be ushered in by our Prince will be a peace purchased with blood. As Christ sacrificed Himself in this war, so must His followers learn to do. Boys must learn that they are growing up to fight in a great war, and they must consequently learn, as boys, to be strong, sacrificial, courageous, and good.

Fourth, our boys will be "sages". The sage is a man who is great in wisdom, and wisdom in Scripture is personified as a great lady. Sons are constantly exhorted to listen to her. Looking at Proverbs 1-9, we see that wisdom is a woman who disciplines boys. If he heeds wisdom in her role as the strict school-mistress, he grows up to a certain measure of wisdom.

We must, therefore, teach our boys the masculinity of study, of learning, of books, of intellectual discussion. Too often, boys drift into a situation where they pit one aspect of masculinity against another. For instance, a boy who loves the outdoors can too readily dismiss software programming as effeminate, or even worse, come to look down on poetry.

Intellectual discipline, or, as Peter put it, girding up the loins of the mind, is an important part of growing to manhood. Boys must learn to be teachable, studious, and thoughtful.

Finally, our boys will be "glory-bearers". This last aspect of masculinity is seen in the fact that men are the glory of God. "For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man" (1 Corinthians 11:3).

Boys must be instructed on how to grow up into glory and how to fulfill their responsibility to be representative, responsible, and holy.

In summary, we should want our boys to be aggressive and adventurous. They are learning to be lords of the earth. We should want them to be patient and hardworking. They are learning husbandry. We should want them to hate evil and to have a deep desire to fight it. They are learning what a weapon feels like in their hands. We should want boys to be eager to learn from the wise. They are learning to become wise themselves. We should want them to stand before God, in the worship of God, with head uncovered. They are the image and glory of God.

<"Future Men" by Douglas Wilson>