Draft 1 - Incomplete

October 19, 1979

"Oh, look! Red hair," said the petite, dark-haired woman staring through the hospital glass into the nursery staring at the small baby. "The kids will be close in age, and they will look like they belong together. Rufy will be so happy to have a playmate, "said the man. They stood close together staring at what would soon be their daughter feeling all the joy and excitement a new baby brings to a family.

"Uhhh, what is that nurse doing?" They both watched with unbelieving eyes as the nurse took off the baby's diaper and held the baby up for inspection. "Well, I guess we know for sure," the man chuckled, "Have you picked out a name?" "Yes. Wendy Jean."

"When did they say we could take her home?" "After the family signs their approval of our arrangement. We're going to meet with the mediator in an hour to finalize the papers." "Did you ever think we would be able to get another one?" she asked tremulously. "God gives good gifts to those who ask."

---
That was my humble beginning in the city of Tarzana, California. Tressa and Jim met in 1978 and had been dating for a few weeks when Tressa discovered she was pregnant. She didn't tell Jim right away because she knew he planned to leave with the Army soon, and anyway, he wasn't ready to settle down to raise a family.

Tressa was part of a large, Jewish family who had very strict beliefs about pregnancy before marriage. She knew she wasn't in a position to take care of a child and wasn't about to cause upheaval in her family's life by asking for help.. so she started searching out the adoption alternative by asking a woman in a Baptist church for help.

---
My house was perfect. The grass was perpetually green and trimmed with lots of greenery and large trees nicely landscaped in front of the house. The stucco was beige and the trim a dark brown. We had a fancy door leading into the visiting room. I was not allowed in the visiting room because that was where the nice furniture, decorations, and the piano were kept. Across from the visiting room, passing across a hallway underneath an elegant archway is the family area. There were french doors that we never used that looked out on the front lawn. I used to lay on my big Panda pillow there. That was my favorite place. My pillow was just Panda's face, about three feet in diameter. He has very worn light brown fur around his eyes and nose that was very rough to the touch, and the dark brown fur covering the rest of his face was still extra soft and plushy. I loved rubbing my fingers over his felt nose that poked out and was in danger of falling off. His eyes were a sad, dull brown. I spent hours cuddling up on Panda, pouring all my love and hugs into him, hoping that one day his eyes would sparkle.

I remember the rest of the house as being pretty large, but it is probably just the remembrances of a child. The hallway I mentioned, that split the visiting room and the family room, was actually quite long. I measured it once. If I recall correctly, it was about 40 feet in length... a pretty narrow hallway. There was just one curve, but most of the hall was that straight part that I measured. My brother and I shared a room, just off that hallway, until I was 9 years old, when it was turned into a pink room with a canopy bed. Before that decorative change, it was a horrific yellow and orange 70s combination with animals on the wallpaper that my mother picked out when bringing her babies home. Also off the hallway, the next door down from my bedroom was a small bathroom for my brother and I to share. At the very end of the hall was my parents room. I wasn't allowed in my parents' room unless I knocked and asked permission to enter. Turning the corner of the hallway, my dad's office was the next doorway and if you went straight instead of going through the door, you walked right into the laundry room and out the door into the backyard. The kitchen was probably the hub of our home. My mom was in there quite a bit and it was quite a momentous room... it had been remodeled and turned into a huge, spacious kitchen with barstools and a large, walk-in pantry. You could get to the kitchen through a swinging door from our family room or from the laundry room where the outside door was on one wall and the kitchen door was on the next wall. So, that was my home for the first 10 years of my life.
The memories in my first house are like those old photographs that are an orangy-yellow tinge. I don't have many memories, but the ones I do don't feel real anymore. My earliest memory in that house, I was sick.. about three years old. I was in my Daddy's office that had dark brown paneling covering the walls. It felt like a cave because it was so dark all the time, even with the window shades open. I was told to lie down and sleep so I could feel better, but I was upset because I didn't want to be alone. I don't remember why I was in the office or why I couldn't sleep in my own room, but that's how it was. My Daddy covered me with a brown and tan bear blanket and lay down next to me... and he fell asleep.
Until I was six, I only had one brother. He is older than me and was my best friend. People often mistook us for twins because we were both fair-skinned and had red hair and freckles. He was given a family name... my Dad's name and his Dad's name. I thought it was funny that my brother's name means "red hair." My Mommy told me she named me after her grandma. Her grandma's name was Winifred, but she had been very close to her and wanted me to be a namesake for her. One of my parents friends called me Freddy just for fun. My middle name was for my grandmother, Mommy's Mom.

We had a game where my Mommy dressed me in her fancy coat with the fur collar and put lipstick on my lips and blush on my cheeks. My hair didn't need any fixing, she said, because I had curly curly hair. She sent me to Daddy's office with messages for him like, "Hey, foxy woxy." Then Daddy would send me back to Mommy with the message, "You're the bees knees." Relaying messages was fun for a while, but it started to get uncomfortable because it seemed like Mommy and Daddy were sending messages for different reasons than just to play with me.

My favorite thing was to play outside. All the neighbors were a lot older, even than Mommy and Daddy. They all doted on me because my brother and I were the only children on the street. One lady, four houses down from ours, was really old, like maybe in her 80s. She was like a grandma. Her house had bricks on the outside and plants and palm trees grew all around it so that it hid from everyone else. It felt like her house was in the middle of a jungle all by itself. Inside some of the bushes was a huge rock. It stood as tall as my chest. I liked to climb on top of the rock and peek inside her window. Inside that window was her kitchen. She would often be sitting at her table drinking coffee and wave at me. I wished I could stay on her rock and just hide for a while, but my Mommy said I needed to leave her alone and give her privacy.
In our own backyard, my Mommy had a long line of rose bushes. They were all different colors. Some were red, some pink and yellow. My favorite ones, though, were those with two colors.. a deep rich pink and white around the trim. My Mommy said that if I took care of the bushes all the flowers would be mine. I watered them every day and as soon as the bud began to open, I used the scissors to cut them off and made flower deliveries to all the neighbors. The prettiest ones I saved to give to my favorite neighbors. They all really liked getting flowers, but Mommy said that when she looked out her kitchen window now, there are no flowers for her to look at. I guessed it could be a good thing because she didn't really sound very upset about it.

Wanting to Write

It has been a thought in my head since I was a child that I would like to write a book. Early on, I had some creative bursts and would make up a story, often drawing on personal experiences. Now that I have even more experiences under my belt, like motherhood and understanding more about abuse and family relationships, I thought it might be a good time to actually write something down in earnest.

Nothing has been set in stone. I may just try my hand at making something into fiction. All I know, is that many people have said my life is so full of drama I figure there must be at least one story in there somewhere.

In other news, I fell down the stairs during our workday last Saturday. No one was able to watch the boys as I had initially planned (they got sick), so they were my first priority... but during naptime, I was going to organize and exchange toys from their play area. I had gone upstairs to soothe Jonah back to sleep and decided to bring a handful downstairs to add to my pile. Those of you who have been to our home know that our stairs are steep and the steps are shallow (your foot doesn't fit on the stair completely) and they are taller than normal stairs. On the way down, I wasn't holding the railing (because my hands were full) and my foot slipped.. and kept slipping down one stair, two, three stairs and finally on the fourth stair I completely lost it and fell headfirst down the rest of the way through the gate entrance. Thankfully, Jeremy was home and was able to wait on me the next couple of days... he even took Monday off work to help me with the boys.

As he has gone back to work for the rest of the week, I noticed my ankle (though not broken) has not been feeling better over time... it is actually feeling worse because I am needing to be on it so much taking care of the children. Oh, the complications of life.

Well, that is my little bit of excitement for the month.

Day Three on South Beach

I have to be completely honest.... I do NOT like eating only proteins. Jeremy and I talked last night about this diet and he isn't convinced that this is very healthy to do to my body. Until yesterday, I had not cheated at all (except for a piece of gum... dire straits for my breath).

Jeremy also said he would help me with exercising more, so I went outside with him and helped rake and pick up grass piles to put on the compost. I broke a sweat and gained a few more mosquito bites, but I am convinced that exercise is key when it comes to losing weight (just ask Jillian Michaels). Back to my eating, though: since I was losing my desire to eat at all, I skipped supper and woke up so hungry I couldn't sleep. So I ate a cookie with a couple sips of milk.

And this morning.... I found I am FINALLY under 220!!!!!

I will stay on this diet to continue the weight loss, but will also "cheat" at times just for the sake of sanity.

Day One on South Beach

Well, my day is half over and as I write, I have a plate of my attempted omlette on my lap. It turned out to be just a layer of egg (because I had too much I tried stuffing inside, it wouldn't fold) and scattered all over the top is a mixture of tomatos, orange pepper, turkey bacon, and mozzarella cheese. Honestly, it's not half bad.

My major concern is that I am badly craving my dairy right now. From everything I have read and people I have spoken to, cravings go away after about 4 days. Just waiting.

To start, I had to go shopping for key items for this new "way of life". Alongside my healthy choices, peppers, turkey bacon, ricotta cheese, nuts, etc. was also chocolate ice cream and orange juice. My family is not going on this diet with me, so these temptations will still be in the house with me while I am working to change my health and my weight (bummer for naturally thin and healthy husband and children).

Another struggle I am realizing is that I just do not take care of myself the way I ought to. Even though this is a diet where you don't need to be hungry... as usual, I am too distracted with my children to take care of my needs. This is not just a new phenomenon. Even when I am NOT dieting, I'm always hungry... I just tend to over-eat the wrong things once I do take the opportunity to stuff my face.

I did weigh myself first thing this morning... and I have stayed steady at 221 pounds. I am hoping to break the 220 mark sometime this week.

Have a wonderful day of eating healthy and wise!

South Beach Diet

Obviously, since marriage and children I have needed to lose weight. I can't seem to get out of the 220s, though.

I have been inspired by a friend to try the South Beach Diet which consists of 3 phases. The first phase is the most restrictive and lasts for at least 2 weeks (maybe a 3rd depending on my motivation and whether I think I need it). The second phase lasts until I have reached my goal weight and the third phase is just the maintenance for the rest of my life. It seems like a very reasonable way to go.

Seeing as how I have a couple of weeks before my first vacation this year (we have a total of three planned), I am going to start this tomorrow and see how it works for me.

Breakfast

Protein: Quantity is not limited.
Vegetables: Minimum 1/2 cup.
Fruit: None
Starch: None
Milk: None
Fat: 1 tsp mayonnaise or oil (optional)

Lunch

Protein: Quantity is not limited.
Vegetables: Minimum 2 cups.
Fruit: None
Starch: None
Milk: None
Fat: 1 Tbsp mayonnaise or oil.

Snack

Snacks are required. Choose from the Protein or Vegetable list, or eat nuts from the Fats list.

Dinner

Protein: Quantity is not limited.
Vegetables: Minimum 2 cups.
Fruit: None
Starch: None
Milk: None
Fat: 1 Tbsp mayonnaise or oil.


And, remember, this is only phase one. The choices are limited for 2 weeks and then I can start adding in fruit and dairy and some starches.

The Pezzner Family Reunion

I am certain, by now, all my readers (however few there are) know that I am adopted. Also, that I found my biological family within the past few years and have been keeping in touch with them through emails and phone calls. Since they live in California, we have never met in person. That is soon to change.

Friday evening, I received a call from my "uncle", Rick. He informed me of the yearly reunion coming up the weekend of August 14th and said that he would like me and my family to be there as a surprise. And that he would be funding this trip. YOWZER!

That is cost for 3 plane tickets (Jonah doesn't need one, yet) and a hotel. That's a lot of money! I guess my "family" is quite comfortable in that area... a hidden blessing with sharp daggers at times.

Since we are going... yes, we are definitely going (who refuses a free vacation??)... I am making plans to meet up with a couple of people. Take a look at these pictures. Do you see any resemblance?

This is Terrie, the "mom", when she was pregnant with me.

Jim, the "dad", with half sister Samantha (age 16).

And... last, but certainly not least... my full-blood sister, Shanna. She is 24 (I think). She's a freakish look-alike.

What do you think?

Beef Shish Kabob marinade and Spoon Bread

As I mentioned two days ago, we were going to make Shish Kabobs again. It turned out so much better than the first time with the two marinades.

The marinade I used for the beef is as follows.

1/3 c. soy sauce (I actually used less since I was running out... 1/8 cup)
3/4 c. salad oil
1/8 c. Worcestershire Sauce (increased it to 1/3 cup)
1 tbsp. dry mustard
2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. parsley
1 1/2 tsp. ground pepper
1 crushed garlic clove
1/4 c. lemon juice

After soaking for about 12 hours, it was absolutely beautiful. Jeremy's confidence in grilling greatly increased and it turned out perfect.

As a side to our meal of meat, fruit and vegetables, I had a spoon bread made from cornmeal. It is pretty bland, but goes well with so much flavor and pungency from the kabobs. The recipe is:

2 cups milk
1 1/3 cups cornmeal
1 tsp. salt
2 cups hot water
1/2 cup butter, cut into pieces
4 large eggs, separated


1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray 2-quart baking dish with cooking spray. Combine milk, cornmeal and salt in saucepan; mix well. Stir in hot water. Cook over medium-high heat, stirring constantly (very important), until mixture comes to a boil. Boil 1 minutes. Remove from heat. Stir in butter.

2. Stir egg yolks into cooled cornmeal in saucepan. Beat egg whites in a large bowl with electric mixer on high speed until stiff peaks form. Fold cornmeal mixture into beaten egg whites.

3. Pour batter into prepared dish. Bake spoon bread until a knife inserted near center comes out clean, 35-45 minutes. Serve hot.


Have a wonderful week of cooking and cherishing your family and friends!

Shish Kabobs

A very recent phenomenon has occurred at the Young household. We discovered Shish Kabobs. Unfortunately, once we discover something we continue it over and over to perfect it. We are in the midst of 3 weeks of shish kabobs. I haven't regretted it, yet.

The first time (last week), I made a marinade, touted to be awesome with beef, and soaked the chosen meat (round steak and chicken) for 24 hours. We found that it tasted the best with the chicken. So the search is now on for making our steak taste just as delectable and, preferably, spicy.

The marinade for "Beef" (use chicken... just trust me on this) is below.

1/2 cup soy sauce
3 tablespoon honey
2 tablespoon vinegar (I used white)
1-1/2 teaspoons garlic powder
1-1/2 teaspoons ginger
3/4 cup oil (olive is healthier and tastes just great... though it does look funky after 24 hours of soakage in the refrigerator)
1 green onion -- chopped (not completely necessary.. I used minced onion)
2-1/2 pounds boneless beef top sirloin -- cubed (used round steak)
1-1/2 1 pound Polish sausage links, low fat -- sliced (subbed for chicken... use the chicken!)
1 8 oz can pineapple, chunks -- drained (I bought a fresh pineapple... totally worth it)
3 green bell pepper -- cut in 1 1/2" pieces (used red bell pepper)
2 red onions -- cut in 1 1/2" wedges (bought only 1)
10 metal skewers

My darling husband has done his utmost to learn how to use our charcoal grill so he feels like he is helping and is "manly". What we have both realized is that grilling is a delicate balance of daring and expertise (neither of which he has in abundance). Me: "Jeremy... STOP opening the lid. It won't cook!!" "Yes, it is definitely done... it is NOT bleeding. You're not going to get salmonilla.. Just trust me."

So far, he has not been ill or died from anything I have forced him to take off the grill "even though it's still bleeding," but I'll keep you posted.

Tonight, I am going to be experimenting on a new marinade for tomorrow's Sabbath Eve supper (for which we are expecting an honored guest... Miss Sandra, a lovely woman who has graciously adopted our grandparent-less children). My children do have grandparents, but they live on opposite coasts from us in the midwest.

Until tomorrow... have a wonderfully blessed supper and cherish your family and friends.

More Change

I have had a few of you friends ask me how my weight goals were coming... and they had sort of stagnated. I couldn't get below 223 and then kept jumping back up. This was frustrating me to no end, so I changed my diet again... I cut out breads (as much as possible) and limited my dairy intake. I am not going extreme because it isn't practical... but as well as I can. I am eating my carbs in the morning (for the most part) and dessert around lunchtime (it's impractical to think of cutting them out completely... there are too many cookies lying around for the rest of the family). But I am monitoring how much I eat and when I eat them. I am also trying to not eat anything after 7pm, which is difficult because we normally start supper at 6:45. No snacks, no nothing.

So far, I lost 4 more pounds... total of 14.5.

I will keep you guys posted.

Life is busy... life is great!

I haven't posted anything in about 5 months because life is just crazy since our Jonah has joined us. He is a precious little boy who is now crawling around and trying to stand up against furniture.

Jeremiah loves his little brother, but sometimes forgets that he is still too small to wrestle and doesn't know how to catch balls that are thrown at him. I am looking forward to seeing their relationship progress as they get older.

Who Inherits?

My dear cousin is a great person who challenges my thinking in so many ways. Because of our conversations, I have been forced to go back to Scripture to figure out the truth rather than relying on the human propensity to wrongly judge or determine someone's spiritual fate despite their actions. It is so easy to despise someone for their sin instead of realizing that their sins are no more sinful than mine. So, then, who gets to inherit heaven?

Homosexuality is charged, in Christian circles, as a sin worthy of death and separation from God forever and ever Amen. However, what makes a Christian? Acts 2:21 says, "... whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved." And Acts 16:31 says "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved..." And last, Ephesians 2:8 says that it is "by grace you have been saved THROUGH FAITH, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, NOT OF WORKS, lest anyone should boast."

Now, that certainly gives me the impression that even someone who has committed "mortal sins" can definitely be saved. Believe on Christ... believe in His redemptive work... believe that it is only through HIM that you can be saved from sin. It says absolutely nothing about one's pet sins... because you know that we all have them. What is yours? Vanity? Eating too much ice cream (overindulgence and gluttony)? Coveteousness? So then, who are you to judge someone else who happens to be sinning in sexuality? It is just the same as you... they are JUST THE SAME AS YOU. They still require God's grace and forgiveness as you do.

Now, here is a perplexing verse. 1 Corinthians 6:9 -- "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor HOMOSEXUALS... will inherit the kingdom of God." That seems pretty clear. However, it also includes thieves and those who covet. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that even I have done that. So let's look at the next verse... "And such WERE some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus..." GREAT!! It says "were". Meaning, we are no longer. However, I know that I still lapse. Don't you? Does it mean only if we aren't in a consistent pattern of sin?

Many Christians fall into a pattern of sin. Does that mean they are no longer saved? Or that they were NEVER saved to begin with? My upbringing has confused this issue for me for so long that it is important to search out what God has to say on the matter and not wrongly judge or assess people's spiritual state lest I get it wrong and mortally offend someone.

I was brought up to believe that shunning people was an acceptable form of "punishment" for sins. Whether or not the person was believed to be saved, they would be shunned for real or percieved sins... naturally, we were the ones judging that. Our verse of defense in these actions was 2 Thessalonians 3:14 "And if anyone does not obey our word in this epistle, note that person and do not keep company with him, that he may be ashamed." However, we often forgot to "note" the next verse in which it states very clearly that this is only for those who are "brothers" and to not count him as an "enemy". The shunning with which I was involved (and still am... BEING shunned, not doing the shunning) was not loving, nor was it assumed that it was for brothers and sisters in Christ. The whole point of this admonishment was so that unsaved neighbors would not look in and see what was going on and think that Christians approved of that persons' actions.

So, is that not the same view we ought to take on everything else? A Christian person who decides to continue their homosexual activities is shunned, but they are certainly NOT our enemies. We are to encourage and exhort them as our brother or sister in Christ. Not everyone who engages in homosexuality is unsaved. That is a very common misconception... one that I held until very recently. It is kind of like the process of discipline mentioned in Matthew 18. If a BROTHER sins, you go to tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he doesn't hear, then take a couple witnesses. But in all of this is the hope of forgiveness and restoration to the church and to God.

Who is our brother? Will you love them no matter their sins?

Happy Pills

Quite a bit has happened in the last month. Aside from starting my weight loss goals and working out, I have also been to the doctor to discuss my postpartum depression.

First things first. Since starting my workouts and diet plan, I have lost a total of 12 pounds. I took a brief hiatus from working out because I was feeling rather ugh-y from two periods in three weeks... the joys of re-entering the non-pregnant state. I am going to start my workout regimen again next week... the Biggest Loser workout tapes are on request from the library.

The next most important thing that happened was that I was diagnosed with postpartum and was prescribed some "happy pills". I am no longer the "Mother from H---" and the boys are very happy about that. Honestly, though, it was very apparent to me that I was not reacting the same way I usually do and couldn't seem to enjoy anything about my life. That is not normal for me. Now, I feel like I am myself again and am not overwhelmed or having a breakdown when I have to leave the house. I am enjoying my children again.

Jeremiah is going to be turning three this June. We are planning a school curriculum for him and it will consist of (most likely) four subjects: music, Bible, reading and math. I have already begun his Bible teaching. We have a "Bible book" that I read to him during his breakfast time and we are learning one verse a week. He has learned Genesis 1:1 and is currently learning Genesis 1:27... he has been asking to "learn another one" which shows me that he is enjoying his education and is ready for more.

Well, that is my family update for now.

Jeremiah grabbed the home phone from me and was pushing buttons (which he knows is not allowed) and when I asked him about it he said, "I'm talking to someone... CHILL!"

Gotta deal with that boy!

What is love?

In the dictionary, love (the verb) has so many definitions. It is to have profound tender, passionate affection; to need or require; to benefit greatly from. All of these apply when speaking about our relationships with others. But, is there a different kind of love when thinking of the marriage relationship?

Obviously, we are all familiar with what Scripture says love is: "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails..." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a).

That description, though, shows that love is not just a feeling. Love is also a choice. Love is there regardless of one's feelings at the moment. Love remains because of a commitment made to one another. It doesn't matter what the reasons were for taking vows. All that truly matters is that the vows were taken before God and must be kept. It doesn't matter if there are disagreements or struggles or confusion about whether or not love exists now. All things can be worked out between two followers of God.

That probably sounds trite and not nearly thought out enough; but I do truly believe it is the truth... not to mention, the right thing to do. God hates broken relationships. And, yes, I am one to talk about unresolved relationships (oh, the irony). As far as depends upon yourself, be at peace with one another. Make a relationship work. If both parties are amenable, reconciliation and love and peace will be restored because both will be working on their side of the relationship.

It sounds like I'm making it out to be so easy or simple. I'm not. This is complicated. There are a lot of things that need to be dealt with. Maybe the marriage took place too quickly and didn't give either of you time to recover from the past; but you belong to each other and are perfect together. It would be wrong to walk away because of struggles and arguments over family issues or confusion about whether or not you love each other. I know you do. Don't give up until you realize it. I do truly believe that God meant you two for each other. You understand and support one another like no one else ever could. You truly do complement each other and that is a gift from God. Don't let your families divide you... you are one in Christ and cannot be separated without severe damage to you both.

Jeremy has admonished me to not take everything to heart and overly burden myself with my friend's problems and concerns. I really am trying not to. The last thing I want to do is push my friend away because of the added stress of my concern. It must be heartwrenching to be dealing with these issues and I only want to be a support and a cause of good counsel.

I really care about you, friend. Don't hesitate to call me if you want to talk.

Which Things are "Loss"?

Yesterday at church, our pastor was teaching on Philippians 3:1-11. Paul refers to his heritage and education within the Judiaistic beliefs system. He was zealous and blameless according to the man-made laws of his day. But when he saw Christ and his heart was changed, he realized everything he thought was good and right was actually not important or counted to his benefit... it was counted as "rubbish" or "dung".

What things in my life did I count on? Before salvation, I counted on my righteous behavior. I wasn't a bad kid. I obeyed my parents without fail. I had a bad attitude many times, but it was well-concealed. I was a good little hypocrite.

After salvation, in my daily life.. I am trying to be a godly wife and mother. I am trying to have a good attitude concerning my responsibilities and duties which are neverending. What am I trying to gain? Is it earthly peace and contentment? Am I trying to save my children (in whatever manner you choose to apply it)?

I have really been struggling with what I have been doing and whether or not it is "enough". Yes, I have an infant and a 2 1/2 year old... but is that really an excuse for not doing/being more? Am I fulfilling my responsibility as a mother in terms of their spiritual growth and knowledge? I have been really lacking in that area and am trying to find a children's Bible that would fit well with our childrens' age... it MUST be accurate and preferably not selective about only telling certain stories. I want the whole Bible for my children to begin learning and understanding who God is and why He is important in their lives.... whether they choose to believe or not.

"...I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (v. 14)

Crumbs and Curses

I did really well last week, but this weekend the temptation of brownies and cookies got the best of me (I don't even LIKE cookies and brownies much). I gained 4 of the 5 lost pounds back. So, I am basically starting all over again. But I WILL do it.

I have 4 more exercise videos from the library and I am starting it today. Back to tracking everything I eat.

AND NO MORE COOKIES OR BROWNIES. NOT A ONE WILL ENTER THIS TRAP. -- a vow by Wendy Young

Week 1

I have succesfully completed my first week exercising and dieting (by watching how many calories I eat) and.... LOST 5 POUNDS!

I'd say that is a pretty good result.

Monday: Exercised with Kathy Lee Gifford cardio tape and stayed properly on the diet.
Tuesday: Exercised with The Biggest Loser cardio tape and stayed on my diet.
Wednesday: Day of rest because of soreness from the BL tape... a little loose on my diet.
Thursday: Did some butt-buster exercise for 5 minutes and rested because I was still sore.
Friday: Exercised again with the BL tape... stayed on my diet.
Saturday: Day of rest (because it's a weekend!) and splurged a little on the diet (because it's the weekend!).

All in all... very well done, I think. :-)

Did weigh: 230
Now weigh: 225

A Weighty Issue

Since getting married, I have gained an inordinate amount of weight.

At our wedding (size 10)

My size 8 jeans met Jeremy in 2006... after being married for 6 months (just prior to getting pregnant), I was a size 16. Now, don't get me wrong... numbers aren't everything. But, according to my BMI and all that junk, I am officially obese.

(nearly present day... at a 2x)

After having Jeremiah, I really tried to be active and walked 3 miles roundtrip to the library... but didn't lose much of anything. During my pregnancy with Jonah, we were riding our bikes 8 1/2 miles until the doctor told me to stop. Now, I am at a lovely 230 pounds after pregnancy. I am baring all because I want the encouragement from everyone to know exactly where I am at physically.

Last week, I started interval training. I have spoken with my cousin and my brother (who are both fitness buffs) and they have encouraged me by giving some ideas of how I can exercise without spending money or going outside (since it is a balmy 4 degrees today).

Unfortunately, despite running between chairs and fitness tapes with Kathy Lee Gifford (which actually packs a punch) and some stretching yoga for an off day, I have NOT LOST A SINGLE POUND (I actually gained half a pound).

Today, I picked up some discounted frozen meals that help me count calories easier rather than trying to figure out what and how much I can eat of the food I make for the rest of the family. Jeremy is a carb freak... and I can't eat that or I get fat (as evidenced). So, I am now stocked up for at least a week of prepackaged meals to help me get started.

I will try to check in and update you (and myself) weekly so we can see progress... hopefully for the better.